Is Wednesday more important than Tuesday?

(In the most dramatic voice of all time...)

"This Tuesday the fate of the world rests in your hands. Your vote and your vote alone will save all of humanity from imminent and complete certain destruction. The choice is simple. Candidate A will close the holes in the ozone, save the unicorns, and bring our country back to the good ole days of milkshakes, leisure suits, and wood paneled cars! Candidate B hates you and everyone you care about. They revel in your pain and suffering. Nothing they do has ever been, is not currently, nor could ever be remotely successful because they're the worst human being ever."

In my younger years (I know I'm only 26, some of you are rolling your eyes pretty hard right now), I used to get pretty animated about politics. I was very excited that I turned 18 on a presidential election year. I exercised my right to vote then, and took it seriously... until I got into the booth and learned that judicial candidates don't have party affiliations next to their name.

Whoops. Missed that one. Hopefully eenie meenie miney moe was spirit directed that afternoon because that's how we overcame that bit of poor planning.

The last presidential election I was 22. This time I was married, had a full-time job and felt much more "adult". I don't know if that was why I felt so much more anxious than the first time around. I remember the night of the election I stayed up way too late. That whole day I furiously checked the internet, the news, and the radio for some sign or indicator that my candidate was winning.

I was afraid of the consequences of the other guy winning. What would it mean for America, for me, for my family some day? The stakes felt so important that I was uneasy and irritable all day long.

This year things are quite a bit different for me. I still care. I still take it seriously, and know it's a special privilege to live in a country where I have the right to vote. I believe we should be informed, discerning, and judicious in our decisions when we cast our ballots.

So what's changed? I'm not worried one bit about who wins. I'm not anxious, nervous, or concerned about the outcome.

What it boils down to is God will still be the sovereign God of the universe on Wednesday morning. His plans can not be thwarted no matter who is President of America. My daily walk with the Lord should not and will not change based on who the President is. My purpose is still the same, the commandments I've been given are still the same, and God's plan for the world is still the same.

The question I've been struggling with lately is, why was I more emotionally concerned about elections in years past than I was about unsaved friends and family, orphans, or suffering people? I rarely, if ever, have stayed up late at night full of anxiety about the salvation of the people I love. Can you relate to this? Maybe you're a better person than me. I felt pretty guilty when I realized where my priorities have been the last couple years.

Cancer changes things quickly. I'm not advocating disengaging from society and not playing your part. I'm not saying that voting isn't important. Quite the opposite.

What I'm asking is: do you care more about what President you're following or what purpose you're fulfilling?

Just relax a little... it'll help your faith

A week from today, I should know whether the drugs I've been battling over the last couple months have been working or not. Next Friday, Kendra and I will go through our ritual of waiting anxiously for the doctor to tell us whether the cancer is growing, stable, or shrinking. I probably won't sleep much on Thursday. Already we've been shorter and more anxious with each other and life in general. The weight of what's ahead of us has caused us to tense up and try and control life even more.

Do you ever do that? The more out of control your life feels the more you try to control it. I think it's human nature. The last thing we want to do is relinquish what little "power" we have.

As much as I'd like to think it's about my circumstances, it's really about me. More than that it's about my perception of God. When life is out of control I inherently start to wonder if God is still as smart as He says He is. It's not going the way I think it should and I can't make it make sense.

As a matter of fact it's pretty scary at times.

How should we respond?

Sit deep, relax, and start giggling.

For Colton's second birthday Kendra and I bought him a miniature horse, Buckaroo. It's taken Colton a while to get used to the idea of riding Buckaroo. Some days he seemed to do better, but often times he was very scared.

If we could convince him to sit down on Buckaroo, he didn't hide how afraid he was. He would tense up, stop listening, flop or bounce around the saddle. I don't expect much from a two year old in his riding skills but I knew Colton had more balance then this. He seemed incapable of sitting up straight and staying centered.

A couple weeks ago on a night he and I were home alone we went out to chore the horses. We caught both our horses and let them eat a little grass. This was the first time Colton really led his horse around by himself. He did well and only once dropped the lead rope to go chase the dog.

Then he begged me to help him groom and saddle Buckaroo. Anxious to take advantage of his ambition I, helped him get his pint-sized little horse ready. Something was different this time. Not Colton's circumstances, same horse, same dad leading him around, same arena.

The difference was his attitude. I think this was dependent upon his level of trust with me, the one leading him. What was the result? He rode better than he ever has. We walked and even trotted all over the arena. Without any assistance from me, Colton sat almost perfectly. He never swayed or fell off balance, and even was able to learn how to steer, stop, and get Buckaroo going (a considerable task).

It's our perception of reality that keeps our faith from growing. Most of the time the difference between success and failure in our walk with the Lord has nothing to do with what's happening around us and everything to do with how we perceive what's happening around us. Too often the filter is how will this affect me? Why is this happening to me?

Once Colton stopped focusing on what he was afraid of and started listening to me, everything got better. I didn't take him off the horse, but he learned how to ride. In the middle of trials the last thing I usually take time to do, is stop and listen to God.

God doesn't promise to remove us from our difficulties, He does promise "everything we need for life and for Godliness". He promises to teach us to ride through life.

Riding the razor's edge between life and death

Seasons, guitarist, women, and cancer treatment....

What do they all have in common? 

A certain rhythm. 

Treatment, scans, results, treatment, scans, results, etc

This cycle has gone on for a year now. Every two to three months we have the dreaded "S" word... SCANS. 

What are scans like? 

Starting about a week or two before the appointment, what if thoughts, doubts, and worries start to creep into your mind like a spy. Sneaky and Deceptive.

As the day approaches anxiety rises until the day before I go into a kind of quiet sullenness. The weight of tomorrow builds and builds. Was that ache or pain real? Is the cancer spreading? How much longer can we ride this like we have? 

As we arrive at the hospital I go get the actual scans late in the afternoon. Now I have an evening to kill. Often times we'll hit the mall or watch a movie. Trying to find a distraction is a waste of time, but we still try. There's a weight on my chest and I can see it in my wife as well. 

Sleeping is usually not an option. Kendra and I are in a sad competition to see who is more wrestless. Tossing and turning, wondering what tomorrow will hold. 

As I wake the next morning, sometimes I forget what I'm doing for a second. Then it comes slamming home like an asteroid what is in my future. Is the chemo working? Do we need to change? What if the cancer is spreading? 

So many questions.

Breakfast is bland. My thoughts are racing. Then we head up to the Dr's Office. Minutes drag on as we wait for our names to be called. Sometimes I read scripture on my phone, other times I play mindless games. I can't really focus on anything for very long. 

"Mr. Prudhomme"

Deep breath, here we go, back to the examination room.

Now is the worst part. It's probably only five to ten minutes, but it feels like hours. Everybody that walks by gets your heart up. 

Maybe it'll be good news. But you don't want to let your hopes up. But maybe this is has been the right time to get things going. 

I try to discipline my mind not to expect anything. 

Knock Knock!

Hello Ryan, how are you? Well I looked at the scans and......

I hate scans, but through the process I have learned the importance of disciplining my mind. I can't control the results. I can however control what I do with the scary thoughts, the worries, and the anxiety. I can cast all my cares upon Christ. I can also will myself to be positive. 

Maybe it came from losing so many games in sports, but I have an uncanny ability to stay positive and choose not to be overwhelmed by my circumstances. 

What are the "scans" in your life? Choose your attitude no matter what. It's the only thing we can control sometimes.