Is cancer spilled milk?

Terrible two's or Terrific two's? I'm not so sure right now. Colton will turn two on Saturday and we've entered a new stage of parenting recently.

Violent overreactions!

Kicking, screaming, slapping, screaming, throwing, screaming. Did I mention screaming?

Colton is learning to express himself but hasn't figured out how to process his emotions appropriately. I'm not worried; it's a stage.

He seems to be able to go from normal, happy, loving little boy....

to parent-eating, self-centered, screaming velociraptor in a millisecond.

What sets him off so quickly? Everything.

Having a lid on his cup...

putting a coat on...

not putting a coat on...

being hungry...

being given food...

spilled milk...

and most often that dreaded "N" word.

Despite these circumstances being completely irrelevant to Colton's health, future, or development, if you were to solely look at his reaction you'd think he was losing a limb. His reaction is so drastically unequal to the circumstance it becomes comical and difficult not to laugh at him, in love of course. What drives this? He can't see the whole picture. He doesn't understand why he's being told no, or something is taken away, or a restriction is placed on him. He can't discern how this could possibly be better for him.

As I started to get frustrated with Him, God gently whispered into my ear that I'm a lot like Colton. How many times do we violently overreact towards God because we can't see the whole picture? Whether it's health, job security, family struggles, or anything else we throw a lot of temper tantrums at God. What appears to us to be the worst case scenario, could actually be for our benefit and God's glory.

Ultimately this comes from God having a different perspective than we do.

He tells us this in Isaiah 55:8 -

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."

What is the Christian worldview? Seeing the world the way God sees the world. Unfortunately it's pretty difficult to get outside of our toddler perspective sometimes. Instead of filtering circumstances through how could this honor God, or be part of His plan, or help someone else, we whine "why me, what did I do, or look how I've been wronged."

God doesn't promise us that things will always make sense to us. Actually in Proverbs 3 He tells us,

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes."

There are times when we have to trust that God has a plan and we won't always get to see it but still need to be obedient. That's called faith. Right now Colton is learning to have faith in his parents. His parents are learning to have faith in their Father!

A radical perspective about a death sentence

Maybe because he wrote half the New Testament, but I've been spending a lot of time with Paul lately.

A verse that resonated with Kendra and I right from the beginning was 2 Cor 1:9. This has become our theme verse more or less.  You'll find it at the top of this page, where it's been since late April 2011.

9 "Indeed in our hearts we felt like we've been given the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

I can relate to feeling like I've been given a death sentence. That first couple weeks I could hardly breathe at times. Every once and a while it hits again and I'm brought to my knees. I have a cancer diagnosis, but what did Paul have that made him feel that way? Paul shares the depth of his struggles in 2 Cor 11: 25-28.

25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers.27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28 Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.

I've never been shipwrecked, or spent time in the open sea. However all these circumstances led Paul to feeling the "sentence of death". That I can relate to. Maybe you can too. How is it that we maintain the correct persepective in the midst of the most difficult circumstances? What allows us to praise God in the midst of the refining fire?
If we continue to look at Paul's response he give us the answer to Living in High Definition despite any circumstance. 2 Cor 4:16-18

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

As the weight of almost every negative circumstance imaginable weighed on Paul's chest his response is to call it, "light and momentary troubles..." How can he say that? He has an eternal perspective. He knows that these circumstances are achieving an eternal glory that far outweighs it all. He has chosen to fix his eyes not on the circumstances that he "sees" but on the future and the promises God has given which are "unseen".


Some days this cancer and the future feel overwhelming. I may very well have a lot of pain and suffering in my future. I may have the loss of dreams and goals and hopes. Continuing to work at being obedient and living our faith out is hard, very hard at times. Yes as bad as all this feels what must Glory be like? If it makes this hell that we are going through "light and momentary" what must that be like! Chew a moment on what could possibly make shipwrecks, beatings, imprisonments, poverty, sickness, and more seem "light and momentary". How does that not motivate us to do everything we can to honor God?


That is Living in High Definition. To see every situation and circumstance through an eternal perspective. Fixing our eyes on what is unseen, what is eternal! I can relate to Paul's feeling a death sentence, but I'm also starting to understand the incredible future that is called Heaven. It doesn't just give me peace, it drives me to serve Him more and more. 

Be still and know - The hardest part!

I've been so busy the last three weeks that I really haven't had much of a chance to think about the scans that we had coming up. This was a blessing in disguise. I don't do well sitting still. I get restless, anxious, and irritable. Just ask Kendra.

This past weekend was really busy.  Football, speaking at TIU, and lots of great time spent with my brother Corey (which was awesome).  Then Sunday night things seemed to start slowing down and I was confronted with what I would be facing in a few days.

Monday my scans didn't start until two pm. So there was more waiting all morning. I distracted myself with a book, and the Internet, but my nerves were quickly rising, and I started to feel myself getting quiet and tense. My first scan was a pet scan. I'd never had one so I didn't know what to expect. They give you radio-active sugar water through an IV. No big deal I'm getting used to IV's at this point. However then they make you sit still for 45 minutes. No reading, no phone, no distractions.

Wow! That was worse than any needles or other tests. You really expect me to sit still with nothing other than my thoughts? I tried praying, singing songs, but my mind kept coming back to "what if's" and "could be's". This was brutal.

Then the test began. I was on a bench that slides into a MRI looking machine, with my arms strapped to my side. The test takes about 45 minutes. More sitting perfectly still with nothing but my thoughts! Only now it got worse!

I got an itch on my nose after about 15 minutes. Couldn't scratch it, couldn't touch it, and all I could do was to focus on it and squish my nose hoping it will go away.

That itch is like cancer. The more you focus on it, the more you feel it. Our arms are tied down, for the most part we can't control who gets it, where it comes, and whether it stays or goes.

Then as I settled more into a groove praying and singing some old hymns, the intensity of the itch started to diminish. The more I take my eyes off cancer and put my focus onto God, the less significant the cancer becomes. It becomes a matter of perspective. Life is a matter of perspective. I was anxious heading into the scans because my perspective was on myself and not on the God of the universe whom I serve.

What is your perspective focused on?

Yourself, a pursuit of money, protecting what feels comfortable, big houses, promotions?

Hebrews 12:2 - Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith.