My biggest prayer request for you ever!

It has been a very tough morning. I met with a couple of doctors this morning, mine and the gastroenterologist. Their consensus was things were a lot more serious. The bleeding seems to be come from one of the small newer tumors on the lobe of the liver. It is still probably "seeping" fluid.

The real problem is they HAVE to identify the source of the fluid. They think they know. They're talking with other Dr's about whether to do an angiogram to discover the source and then hopefully coagulate the tumor. The instrument has to get far enough up into the tumor in order to do that. 

THOSE THINGS HAVE TO HAPPEN, FIND THE BLOOD SOURCE, COAGULATE IT!

There are not strong odds for a successful procedure. 

Once the doctors decide to move forward, then there are still no guarantees. 

If they can stop the blood we're back in business. Work on getting my counts right and pursue treatment again. If they can't complete the procedure there are no more options. The blood will continue to leak into my body and after a while my organs will slowly start to shut down. 

This is the scary option. The Dr's said the don't honestly expect me to leave this hospital, and once the organs start to go it will be "sooner than later". 

Another slim but possible scenario is the tumor clots up on its own. This probably would've happened it it was going to but that's man's timing not God's. 

I won't lie and say I'm not scared. I was doing fine as I found out and was able to ask questions and keep it together. However once I started calling family members it became much more difficult. I felt like I was the one inflicting their pain. I know it wasn't me, but I felt like it was my fault.

I love God passionately and unashamedly. He is my all in all. My redeemer. This is still no more out of his hands than anything else I've faced so far. 

How can you help?

Kendra and Colton and my mom are headed down tonight to be together with us. Pray for safe travels. 

There are so many types of people grieving this right now, mother, father, wife, son, brothers, introverts, extroverts, .etc. Please pray we would have the Grace from God to deal with whatever news comes our way. That we would all lean on him in obedience and find our peace and joy and hope in him.

Pray for the Angiogram!!! That it would happen. That doctor's hands would be guided by Holy Angels to direct them. That they would find the source, get where they need to go, and stop the bleeding of this tumor!

Pray for Kendra and I as we may be living in two worlds more dramatically sooner than we expected. A foot in the strong possibility of fate, and a foot in the eternal and guaranteed promise of hope.

Pray for God's will to be done above all. Not my selfish will to be alive, but God's will regardless of how it affects me. He is Lord of Lord.

Please forward this blog to as many people as you can. The more people calling on God's name for His will to be done, the more please our Father will be. 

I and we are going to choose to glorify God no matter what happens. We have done that since April 1st, 2011. God is sovereign and we will live every moment purposefully trying to serve him.