What is your legacy?

I've started something new for me this year at school.  I've done "warmups" in the past that have posed students questions to get them thinking about Spanish/French.  This year I decided to revamp it to "learning logs" - I'm getting them to do some more metacognition and processing through the "how" and "why" of the language, and pulling more prior knowledge out.  Then I had the fantastic (in my opinion) idea of starting every day with a short personal question to get them to do more introspection.  I've had some of the most amazing conversations with my students that are sometimes relevant to languages, and sometimes just relevant to growing as individuals, and in character, leadership, and attitudes.

Today's question was: "Let's say that I see you walking down the street 10 years from now.  What would you want me to remember about you?  In other words, what positive characteristics about yourself do you want others to notice?"


I prefaced their writing by telling them that at the tender age of 12, 13, and 14, they are already building their legacy.  What they say and do now is already partially defining who they are as an individual, and they are making impressions on people that are going to last a lifetime.

Not every student took it seriously.  I did have a couple of students that told me that they want to be remembered "a clown" and someone wanted to be remembered as hyper.  Bahhh.  Okay, we're striving for perfection and we'll get close eventually. :)

But some of the thoughts that poured out of those eighth grade minds humbled and amazed me.  They wanted to be remembered as kind, flexible, helpful, compassionate, responsible, a person with good character, friendly, a leader, a good student, and even a good role model for others.  I adore these kids.  They get it.  They get it!

We are all going to be remembered for a while after we die.  Some of us may even make a huge lasting impact and be remembered for a really long time.  People are watching us every day, and whether you like it or not, your movements are mentally recorded and the sum total of your interactions with others is the legacy and reputation that you become known for.  I don't know about you, but I've been working overtime since I became aware of this reality a few years ago, and I've redoubled my efforts to try and ensure that my character is reflective of Christ's work in my life.  I don't always achieve this.  But all we can do is try our best to live out Luke 10:27, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

What's going on?

Hey there everybody,

Well, like it or not, school is back in session.  For some of us, this means much busier times...like teaching, daycare, running around after school to practices, etc.  For some of you, it may be relief!  Phew, I'm home alone/with less children again!  I'm actually so busy lately that I'm typing this while on my lunch break at school, while scarfing down almonds (I have yet to actually remember to bring a lunch except for one day...sigh).  Busy feels good, most of the time.  Normalcy is something that I crave, even though my normal is a crazy schedule.

Being busy takes my mind off of things, which is a blessing in the moment but sometimes it can be overwhelming when things come rushing back.  As I was driving home from work yesterday (Monday), I began praying - and I hadn't even gotten out of Grand Haven before I was in floods of tears.  To say that I've been struggling with the question "Why us?" lately - that would be an understatement.  The question of why my son Colton's dad is in serious danger of losing his life, when there are plenty of deadbeat, awful dads out there - I cannot answer that in my finite wisdom.  It is so unfair.  God, why don't you just take jerks out of the world while they're young and leave us good people alone and let all of us live nice, long lives?

I know that this is irrational, and I know truths in my head.  But there is a huge disconnect sometimes between the truths that I know about God and what I feel in my heart.  This is precisely why I'm not worried anymore about how I'm going to handle all of this situation, because my head almost always wins out over my heart (my life is ruled by logic).  At the end of every difficult situation, I grudgingly make the choice to trust.  But getting between point A and point B can be a very sticky, difficult road sometimes.  When I'm having a downer day, it's because for the umpteenth time, I'm trying to figure out this tricky situation of giving up control issues.

Sigh.

In other news, Ryan and his dad are headed down to Zion today.  No big scans are scheduled, but please pray for excellent, encouraging bloodwork.  Please pray that Ryan's next treatment cycle goes very well...no serious nausea since the ugly cycle 3 in June, and we'd like to keep it that way.  His neuropathy is getting a little worse every cycle (since it has cumulative effects on the body), but it's still extremely manageable.  We would just really like it if it didn't progress hardly at all.

We've gotta pray these tumors away.  God is absolutely able.  Let's keep bringing it before his throne!

School daze

In just two days, I will begin a new school year.  Only a couple of months ago, the thought of me working anywhere this fall was laughable, and by the grace of God I landed on my feet again in a fabulous district.  I'm super excited, but this school year is slightly overwhelming to think about - at least in terms of 180 days.  I'm especially worried about the commute.  If I go straight from our house to Grand Haven, it's only 35 minutes on fast roads (we live very close to US-31, and my school is right off US-31).  However, three days a week I still have to drop off Colton in Montague - and that adds quite a bit to the drive (especially in wintertime).  So if anyone that lives near us is interested in a job dropping off my son at daycare three days a week, let me know!  I'd be glad to pay you for it.  (No, I'm being totally serious.  Let me know.)

I am having to do some serious retraining of my mind throughout this process.  Truthfully, I struggle all the time with looking too far ahead in the distance.  It's something that I've always done.  I probably come across as way too scattered to keep a planner, but I meticulously enter in events into my Google calendar (otherwise I would forget them - because of the scatterbrained qualities that I have).  I have my Google calendar filled out to at least Christmas, and several events from now to the end of the school year.  But lately I've been having to push out thoughts like, "What will I do if I lose Ryan?  Where am I going to live?  Will I sell the house?  Can I keep up this property on my own?  Which school district will I end up in?  Will I ever be a school counselor?  Where is Colton going to go to school?  Who will help me take care of him?  Will I be alone for the rest of my life?  How am I going to do this?"  Friends, these are not easy thoughts.  I can spend forever and a day thinking about these things, freaking out.  Meanwhile, the worst has not even happened.  So what's the point of worrying about this now?  Answer: nothing.  There is no point in worrying.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."


We are given grace for this moment.  Not tomorrow, or next Tuesday.  This moment.  My worrying about tomorrow and what will happen is directly a result of a lack of faith that I have in my Lord providing what I need for tomorrow and five years from now.  I have no idea what God has in store for Ryan and I.  By some miracle, our lives might return to a semblance of what they were prior to April - in high definition instead of standard def.  That is my deepest, most aching desire.  But it's very likely that life as we know it will never be the same.  I can either worry myself into oblivion, or buckle up my seatbelt and give God the proverbial steering wheel.  He has our lives headed in a direction that is not easy, but full of promise and meaning.

Meanwhile, I count my blessings that I again will have the chance to impact lives this year.  Working with students has always been my highest calling.  I like Spanish and French alright, but getting to connect with students who are figuring things out for themselves and being able to be a positive role model for them - that is what fills my cup.  Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of being able to do what I love!