Thursday, July 12, 2012

There's only so much Ryan to go around...

Sales proposals to write,
Lawn to mow,
Arena to work up,
Horses to ride,
Writing projects to work on,
Blog posts to write,
Presentations to create,
Chores to do,
Trips to plan,
Speaking engagements to prepare for,

This is hardly the end of my to-do list.

During just about every cycle I start to feel very overwhelmed with my perceived task demand. I look around and it feels like the amount to do grows daily while I become more and more unproductive. Mentally and physicially it is intimidating. I struggle to focus on tasks and projects and I certainly don't have the physical ability to complete many of the projects and chores.

So what did I do today?

I came home from work early and napped, then I laid on the couch watching irrelevant TV shows feeling sorry for myself because I had so much I wanted to do but can't.

What did I do tonight?

I sat on the porch and watched my son and my wife and my dog play with a tennis ball. For a moment I couldn't see the unmowed grass, or the weeds in the arena. I forgot about the proposals, and websites to build, and phone calls to make. I stopped worrying about not having blogged in a while and feeling guilty.

I just sat and smiled.

Time feels so constrictive at times. I have so many things to do and it is easy to look at time as the limiting factor in my ability to accomplish things. Honestly, I'm the limiting factor. There's only so much of me to go around. Time is constant.

I can't get it all done. I have to choose. Tonight I chose to be still and thank God for a simple moment watching my family.

The best part of my day today was my son running into a meeting I was in at work to give me a huge hug! That is living in High Definition.


It's been three days since I started the new chemo regimen. I was able to go to work Tuesday and Wednesday but started feeling weak last night. I went in today but had to have Kendra come get me to bring me home. I'm struggling with fatigue and a foggy head. I get headaches and have a difficulty focusing.

It's also been three days since I became a "vegan". I'm fully committed to it, but this is a pretty radical lifestyle change for me. There are some ups and downs in trying to figure out what my new menu includes and how to manage it all. Please pray for Kendra and I as we keep learning more.


brooke said...

WOW! i must say, you are amazing! it must be very hard, and i hope you get well soon!!! i hope the treatment goes well, and you guys can all be happy and together agian soon. But knowing the peple you guys are, you will be happy and thankful the whole time!

Maya said...

It's amazing how positive you all are! You truly have a bueatiful family!:)