Monday, March 18, 2013

Pizza and baseball

Allow me to let down the walls for a minute.

A lot of you know me as a very strong person. I have a gift for mostly being able to compartmentalize my life and to throw my tantrums in private, but I also know that sometimes it's good to let people in to what's on my mind.

It's simple, really.

Pizza and baseball.

Now, before you think that Ryan really has hijacked my mind since being married to him, allow me to explain.

We live in a beautiful section of West Michigan, very close to a local dairy that has a pizza shop. We love the dairy and if you picked through our garbage at any given moment, you'd often find a black and white pizza box there, stained with the grease that serves as a reminder of delicious cheese, fresh veggies, and pepperoni that we enjoyed.

On many Friday nights, I pick up salad ingredients at the grocery store and when Colton and I get home, I make a salad. I call Ryan and ask him to pick up the pizza on his way home from work, and then wait for him to walk through the door with that familiar box.

After noshing on too much of our favorite pizza and probably too little salad, we head over to the couch, a remarkably short distance in our small starter home, and turn on the TV to watch the Tigers (when in season). Lots of cheering and hissing ensues.

I love pizza and baseball.

Normalcy.

On March 1st, my son and I were on our way home from a normal Friday. However, Dad wasn't coming home. He was on his way to CTCA with his father to be admitted to the hospital.

Colton asks me from the backseat, "Where my daddy?"

"Daddy is in a car with Papa. A doctor is going to fix his owies, Colton."

"My dad otay?"

"Yes, sweetie, he's ok."

"Mama, I want Daddy to come home. I want to eat pizza with my daddy. I want to watch baseball."

There was nothing that Colton could have said that could have driven the stake in my wounded heart deeper. I had an instant, almost visceral reaction to his words. Tears flooded my eyes and I immediately cried out, ME TOO.

There is nothing I want more than pizza and baseball. To sit at home. Snuggled with my husband. Tigers on the tv, pizza in our bellies. Colton begging us to pitch him his foam balls so that he can whack a "ho'run" like the boys of summer on the big screen. I want to kidnap Ryan from his hospital bed, rip out that drain that constantly reminds me of the uphill battle we are facing, and rush him and Colton home in time for tomorrow's spring training game. And pick up a black and white box along the way.

Normalcy.

Oh, how I ache for normalcy.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

My heart aches as I empathasize with you in your desire for "normal" in you life at this time. I have journeyed that road also. Just remember "Normal is only the setting on a dryer." God is walking with you and holding your hand in all situations, unfortunately, he just doesn't have a pizza box in his hand at the moment. You (and Ryan)are not only strong, you are courageous! It takes a lot of courage to walk in your shoes. Be assured of continued prayers for Ryan, you and your family as you face each new situation and for continued strength and courage.

Deut. 3:16 - Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Karen Minnema (Ellen's mom)

John Waldo said...

Praying for you all Kendra and Ryan

Dawn Thaler said...

Prayers and Hugs!

Jess said...

Kendra,
You are strong and beautiful. An amazing wife and mother, that I truly look up to. I pray today that God will grant you the normalcy you desire, and until that time, that He will be your Prince of Peace...

Love,
Jess Busscher Ruthsatz

Cheryl said...

How I pray that God will grant you, Ryan and Colton many more pizza and baseball days! I continue to lift up all of you in prayer as you walk this difficult path. May the Lord give you strength and peace, and I pray for healing for Ryan.

nathan schnaath said...

Praying aswell, for You all.

Thandi said...

What hurts me the most in this post, is the thought "Please Lord, let this work so there can be normalcy one day.There's a boy who wants his daddy.To think of what could happen if things don't work out is a nightmare-for Colton and for his mama.This NEEDS to work!" To carry your own heartache, and your boy's heartache..((hugs))

Thandi said...

What hurts me the most in this post, is the thought "Please Lord, let this work so there can be normalcy one day.There's a boy who wants his daddy.To think of what could happen if things don't work out is a nightmare-for Colton and for his mama.This NEEDS to work!" To carry your own heartache, and your boy's heartache..((hugs))

Christian Cook said...

Still Praying. Still hoping to help. "Lord, give this family strength, grace and peace. Please heal our dear friend Ryan, amen."

Anonymous said...

Dearest Kendra,

Our words fail, but God's never do. Praying today that God, in His still, small voice, will whisper in your ear and flood your very heart, mind and soul with His unmistakable presence. May He continue to hold your family close and comfort you in a way that He alone can. You are loved!

Anonymous said...

Still praying for you and your family! Love and prayers from MI

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13 NIV

Anonymous said...

How much we take for granted - oh the ache that you could return to taking for granted that your husband would be with you for years to come - we claim and pray that for you! And for God's grace and supernatural strength to feed you now.... Jaye B.

Dan Quist said...

This was one of my favorite posts yet.

Stacey Riker said...

I want you to know your family is thinking of you and hoping and praying for all of you. Reading this brought tears to my eyes and makes me wish so much for you all to have another pizza and baseball night. My heart goes out to you, Colton, and Ryan. You are all so strong and it's so sad to see you all go through this. We love you so much!!!

Julie said...

Prayers, prayers, prayers for your family.

Ellen Weinecke said...

<3

Ron Vriesman said...

Kendra, it's spring training time right now and God is putting Ryan through "spring training" also. This will make him stronger. The other players are the doctors who are trained to take care of those in need. You,Colton and the rest of the family along with everyone else are rooting for our favorite team. We are praying for Ryan to regain strength.