Baring my soul...

I was judgmental, really judgmental. It was probably one of my worst qualities as a person. Only those closest to me probably knew this, and really only I know the depth of the depravity that occurred in my mind every time I saw some unfortunate soul that didn't fit the mold of what I thought someone should look or act like.

I have known this about myself for a while. Genuine compassion for others is not a character quality I was strong in. It was something I prayed for on a regular basis. When I was diagnosed back in 2007 with my liver disease, one thing I did was read through the Bible cover to cover in 9 days. Partly I was scared and seeking guidance from God on why I had the disease, partly I was on steroids and could only sleep 2 hours a day. Regardless probably the biggest pattern in Scripture that jumped out to me is how many times Jesus came across a crowd of people or an individual and "he felt compassion for them". This feeling of compassion is something I have yearned and prayed for over and over.

Fast forward to a cancer diagnosis. I have told some people that God has transformed my reality and my perspective. Fortunately one way is in how I view other people. You see, I have had my eyes illuminated to the Glory of God in a real and tangible way. I'm so motivated to help other people see Him the same way I do. Should God decide that I have many more years on this earth, I know my purpose clearly. To spur on others to see Him like I do with out having to go through what I have. When you are brought to the deepest valley you can imagine, everything is stripped away, including the sin in your life. This sin of judgmental-ism disappeared overnight. It was incredible. I just stopped being a jerk in my mind. God answered my prayer and blessed me with relief from this sin.

We know Jesus saw the world with a perfect view of God's glory. Imagine how motivating that was to share with the world. All that we were missing, he saw and felt. That's how I feel for individuals I encounter now. Instead of noticing oddities, imperfections, and quirks, I'm provoked by where their spirit is committed, who do they serve, do they know my God like I do? I don't want to miss an opportunity to share what I know with anybody God puts in my life. I really, honestly, Truly, FINALLY feel compassion for the lost. Praise God!