Have you ever heard something in the Bible that just didn't make any sense to you? I hope I'm not the only one. One verse that used to do it to me was;
Philippians 1:21, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
These last couple of months I have had to seriously contemplate when my time on this earth may end. It is scary, surreal, and unsettling to think about these things. Something has also gotten my attention that is exciting.
People ask us all the time how we're doing. My response is that it has been the best two months of my left and the worst two months. I love to tell people though about why it has been the best. One reason is that Kendra and I are convinced that God is powerfully and actively at work around us. Something BIG is happening right now. We're seeing signs of things that tell us an incredible thing is about to happen. We both feel like it is still building, getting bigger, like the crescendo of a song. We don't know what it is or what it looks like. We do know it's God-sized and God-led.
We get to be front and center to all of this. We're on the front row watching the fantastic narrative unfold. To be completely honest with you, I don't know at what level God is planning on using me in this process. God at work in our lives gives us great hope, not necessarily that God would heal me, but that He is using me through this.
Which brings me back to the verse.
Philippians 1:21, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
It always seemed backwards to me. If you die, then you're with Christ. Any extra time He gives you on this earth seemed like gain. Any time to spend with your family, enjoying life, growing old, all of that just seemed like a bonus to me (a bonus I still am desiring).
I was looking at it wrong however. I feel like if God saves me from this cancer, then to live is to be able to share Christ more with all those around me. To tell the great story of who He is and what He has done in my life. To live is to be Christ's ambassador to those around me.
To die is gain. I've told a couple people that I come out smelling like roses no matter what God decided to do with my body. To die is gain. Meaning I'll be in a better place than on this earth. No suffering. No pain.
A couple months ago before all this happened I told Kendra I feel overwhelmed when I think of everything God has in store for me to accomplish. I still feel that way. I don't know when I will leave, none of us do. I do know that;
Philippians 1:6, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Like I said, Kendra and I don't know what God is doing, but it is HUGE. He will complete it. We're so excited to be a part of it, and to see what it is.
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