I'm not an athlete.
If you read my husband's guest blog that he wrote for Kevin East's "Following to Lead", you'll notice that in the first couple of sentences he mentioned that he wants our child(ren) to be athletes. Then, for the life of me I cannot figure out why he married me. I like running because it makes me feel good, but I'm not fast - breaking a ten-minute mile is cause for serious celebration in my life. I am not terribly coordinated. I have never dribbled a ball well, I can't throw, and I hated people trying to take the ball from me in soccer - "Just take it. I'm done. Don't crowd me." Have I told you about the time that I once played pick-up volleyball, and a sixty year old man got frustrated with how terrible I played? Every time the ball came dropping down in my direction, he would hightail it over to cover me, even if he was on the opposite side of the court. That was unbelievably embarrassing. So... I guess that the major point here is that I am a rotten athlete. Period.
So over the years, I've compensated for my lack of athletic ability by getting inordinately competitive over other things that I'm good at. Scrabble? I'll pwn any Scrabble opponent with my eyes closed. Scattergories? Ask Mike & Lee how intensely competitive I can get with my husband, who is the only person I've met that can give me a real run for my money at Scattergories. It can get ugly. I constantly feuded with a girl in seventh and eighth grade over first and second chair clarinet. Getting first chair was of utmost importance to me, and I practiced for HOURS before a challenge. Heidi and I would barely speak after one of us beat the other one. And cheerleading has been a real outlet for me. I am not very good at tumbling because that takes coordination, but I'm as bendable as Gumby so I was great at splits, jumps, etc. I was the best back spot imaginable. I excelled at cheer. There isn't really a good litmus test for which cheerleader is best, but I know in my heart that I was tops. Gosh, I can't wait until I have enough time to coach cheer again. (And yes, in case you're wondering - that is me in the middle of that picture.)
As his last scans were coming up, I kind of copied Ryan's pre-game mental warmup to get my own "juices" flowing and to get in the mindset of total domination. Here's what I did: I spent some time in the last week in the Gospels reading about Jesus' healing miracles. Whether it was leprosy, blindness, paralysis, deformities, internal sickness, dropsy, or raising a man from the dead, Jesus showed Himself to be the ultimate healer on earth of all types of ailments. As I was reading this, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Okay, so Jesus is not walking here on earth with me at the moment. But the Holy Spirit is. And my God is still completely capable of doing ANY of these things right now. Right here. This moment. Us. We could be next.
After I got all jacked up (in a good way) from the Gospels, I decided to put my own version of Ryan's Jock Jams CD on. Nope, "Pump up the Jam" was not on the playlist, but I do have a playlist on my iPhone that I specifically go to when I need a fast shot of encouragement. Many of the same songs that are on it are ones that I've shared links to on this blog. So imagine me, singing at the top of my lungs as I folded laundry in our bedroom, tunes cranked, and still half-crazy with a Gospel high. "AND IF OUR GOD IS FOR US, THEN WHO COULD EVER STOP US?! AND IF OUR GOD IS WITH US, THEN WHAT CAN STAND AGAINST US?!!" My toddler son was looking at me with his head cocked quizzically. Oh gosh, Colton is not even two yet and he already thinks I'm nuts!
So going into these scans, I was half-expecting the skies to part and a miracle to unfold at CTCA this week. Not yet, is the answer we heard. But I have not yet lost one iota of faith that we could still see a major, undeniably God-sized miracle in this situation. Maybe you can say that I'm in denial, if you don't see the world the way that I do. But isn't faith kind of like denial? Faith is a denial that the world's perspective is always correct. Faith says, "NO! My God will not be put in a box. My God is bigger than your logic."
Have you lost your faith in God's miracles or His ability to heal beyond reason? His amazing power is something that we can hardly comprehend in our pea-sized minds. At times like this, when we get a setback that guts us to the core, the one thing that buoys me is the knowledge that my God loves me beyond what I can comprehend, that is He is powerful, that He is always good, and that He is completely able to sustain my husband and I.
We love you all, dear readers. If you don't have this same faith or buoyancy, I beg of you to ask us how you can face difficult situations - even terminal illness or death - and have hope. I won't even ask you to dance like a crazy person to Chris Tomlin - but you can if you want to!
AND PLEASE KEEP PRAYING! Our God is in the business of miracles. Please ask for one on our behalf TODAY!