Monday, April 16, 2012

That old familiar feeling

Hmm...why can't I sleep?

Why don't I have any appetite?

Why am I snappy and distracted?

Why do I feel so overwhelmed?

Oh's scan week.

We leave tomorrow for the sixth set of scans that Ryan has had since he began chemotherapy at the end of April last year.  I can assure you, this does not get easier.  The planning, the worrying, the logistics, the expenses, the emotions, the unknown, the time, the's all so wearisome.  Ryan just remarked that even though he's very pleased with CTCA still and the level of care we get, he is burned out with having to be there.  I'm so over cancer and all of the junk that goes along with it.  I'm ready to get off the ride, please.

However, that being said, I would declare that our spirits are pretty good.  Ryan is looking good (of course) and feeling well, and he is poking fun at me a lot.  That is a good sign, because that means that he is his normal self.

The last couple of weeks have been overwhelming, as we have had sooo many things to check off of our list.  Spring cleaning, projects around the property, family pictures, horse trading, birthday party for Colton, papers to grade, and Detroit Tigers games to attend. In the midst of the busyness, it's nice to be doing all of these things with my husband - with the exception of paper grading.  In all seriousness, it does feel like life is maybe going a bit too fast, but I cannot figure out how to slow down.  I am so busy on all fronts and just feel like time is something that I never have enough of.  Housework and gourmet cooking are suffering greatly!  Oh well.

Meanwhile, it seems like cancer has been taking center stage in our prayer life - not just for us, but for lots of friends and acquaintances and even family members.  Please remember Pat, Patty, Dianna, Collin, Cheryl, and Tim in your prayers this week, especially Dianna.  She is a mother of five that was just recently put in hospice.  Additionally, our sister-in-law's mother passed away from cancer yesterday after a long, brave battle.  Her name was Melinda and her family, the Fierros, could really use prayer as they navigate these difficult first days without her.  And finally, I have a special friend that is marking the anniversary of her husband's death from cholangiocarcinoma today, and she has been on my heart constantly this week.

So there's the update on what things have been like lately.  Busy yet good, but still hard all at the same time.  This is so hard.

Dear readers, we could use a ton of prayer this week as we go into these scans.  Please pray for good results, for even some shrinking...I would love shrinking.  But also pray that no matter the results, that Ryan and I will remain with our compasses pointed straight to the loving arms of our gracious God, who has surely covered us in peace and grace during each one of these six experiences.  We love you all so much and could not walk this journey without the body of Christ about us.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  (Luke 12: 6-7)

Colton's 2 year picture...can't wait to get my 8x10!

The picture that I have been so looking forward to taking....
Colton, me, AND Ryan on Colton's 2nd birthday!
A year ago we were told that this would likely not happen.

The newest member of our family, Buckaroo!


Anonymous said...

I see buckaroo is making another little one a project. Such a good pony

Anonymous said...

I will keep you in my prayers! Praying for good results & that the trip is smooth sailing. xo

Jess said...

Sending up prayers for you right now...75 senior students pray for you consistently....I am still seeing Ryan's name and Ryan "Quotes" in their papers, blog posts, Journals, midterm reviews and personal testimonies. His words continue to inspire leaps of faith and expressions of hope and gratitude!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

If you need potty or cookie break 1/2 way to Chicago...feel free to stop in South Haven we are a mile off exit 20. (616-990-2162) Seriously call me if you need to.