Sunday, April 1, 2012

April Fool's Day, what a blessing!

One year ago today my life changed dramatically. I received the phone call that would set a sequence of events into motion that would lead to me being told I had less than a year to live. So today is my anniversary of sorts. A bittersweet anniversary. I'm reminded of the reality of my situation and how my life will never be the same. However I'm not supposed to be celebrating this day either. There in lies a dynamic that I'm growing to live with. Thankful and apprehensive.

Things will never go back to the way they were. Which means things have changed dramatically. I'm fatter, weaker, maybe wiser, but certainly closer to God, my wife, and my son. Kendra's and my priorities have changed quite drastically. We're passionate for the poor, lost, and hurting. The more God elevates us, the more we want to elevate Him. We've learned about peace, grace, and hope through this process. When I think about whether I'd want to go back I usually don't hesitate to say no. 

It's a weird dichotomy though. One foot in two worlds. The here and now, which we're so thankful for and at peace about, and the future which holds so much uncertainty. As I celebrate today it could be easy to be upset about all we've been through. I could easily resent God for all the things that I may lose out on because of this.

Take Colton for example. There's a strong chance I'm not going to be able to do the things with him I've always dreamed of. One dream was that when he got a few years older, we'd both go to the horse auction in the spring. I'd look at all the horses with him. We'd evaluate them, what we like and dislike. Then each of us would buy a young horse. That summer I would teach him how to break a horse as we both started them together. He'd learn about hard work, horsemanship and business as we turned around and took them back to auction in the fall to see if we could make a profit. All along I'd be teaching him what it means to be a Godly young man.

That may never happen. 

Am I sad? Yes. However God is really teaching me something about Colton right now. He's not my own. He has a father, a heavenly father. He is responsible for growing, protecting, leading, and guiding Colton. I'm merely a caretaker that has the privilege of loving him while I do. When I change my perspective, now whatever time I have with Colton becomes a blessing. If I look at it as a right, then when I lose it I'm resentful. However if it's a privilege and a blessing I'm thankful for what I receive. 

So as I approach a new year, yes there is much I will be challenged with, struggle through, and probably have to accept that I can't do certain things. However there's so much to be thankful for. I have been given so many blessings it's hard to adaqueatly say thank you to God for all He's provided. 

I'm thankful to God for;

A growing vibrant relationship with Him
My wonderful wife and the sacrificing servant that she has been
My beautiful son and the joy that he brings
An incredible family both blood and in spirit that have blessed us, encouraged us, humbled us, and loved us through all of this
A growing ministry that allows Kendra and I to encourage others through our journey
An amazing church that has time and time again provided for us in so many ways
The physical health that He has blessed me with through this last year
Simple pleasures like a Tigers game, or a horse ride, or a good book
A purpose that drives me 
An employer that supports me

I'm thankful for this past year and all that it has entailed. Praise the Lord!!!

2 Cor 1:3-7
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Despite not being able to celebrate and not knowing what will come next, you proved the doctors wrong in the fact that you outlived your year. ;)