"Hey Kendra, can you please proofread my blog post?"
So as I'm reading his blog, I realize...it's almost 100% the same as what I was intending to write about. Shucks. This is what happens when a couple truly becomes one...they start to think the same way! I hope that now that I think like my husband, it doesn't mean that toilet humor will start appealing to me or something.
Yes, today is April 1. A year ago today I was just starting my spring break, and was going about with the trivialities of my day when Ryan called me with what I thought was the nastiest April Fool's Day prank I could imagine. How I have wished so many times that it had only been a prank. Then today we could be joking about how a year ago, he scared ten years off of my life, and I would probably playfully punch him in the shoulder.
No, this has been no joke. This year has been the most painful experience that I could imagine. Dreams that I had before we came to this fork in the road have been shattered or rendered dormant and God has continually showed me that right now, I am just to draw close to and wait on Him. In the meantime, I've run from God, I've hid, I've come back to Him again, screamed at Him, cried out to Him, and thanked Him. I've been angry, I've been grateful, and I've been resentful. There have been mountaintops of extreme joy, and there have been depths of despair that have been unlike anything I have experienced before. Ultimately the lesson has hit home to me that it's entirely up to me what kind of attitude I will choose to have in the midst of this valley. Will I focus my eyes on God and trust him to lead me through this muck and mire, or will I focus on myself and the things that I feel like I have a right to and just spin my proverbial wheels in the mud?
Just like Ryan's post included a list of things that he's thankful for, I too wanted to mention that in spite of the pain of this journey, God has poured out unbelievable blessings on us. He has given us hope, promises, supporters, financial provision, protection from cancer symptoms, a stronger relationship with each other, a beautiful and happy son that gives us a smile even when things are at their toughest, and a renewed sense of purpose. He has specifically placed us in this place at this very time to bring hope and encouragement to other people that sorely need it like we do. This ministry that we've been blessed with...it has been unreal. We are both in awe of the fact that God wants to use us in this way.
Pain. Blessings. Despair. Opportunities. Fear. Hope.
It has been the best of times, and it has been the worst of times. What a year. However, I'm just thankful that I as I end this blog and get ready to post it, that I can look to my left and sitting five feet away from me is an incredible, "healthy", handsome, godly man to whom I am privileged to be married until death do us part.
Will you all keep praying with me that "death do us part" does not come until at least fifty years from now?