...Yet not my will, but Yours be done.

Luke 22:42
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

The prayer of our hearts for two years:  Father, please.  Please.  PLEASE!  Take this cup from us.  Heal Ryan.  Please restore him to health.  Please give us normalcy again.  Please do not let him go from this earth too soon.

But Lord, we do trust you.  We know Your character, and we know Your truth.  We stand on that knowledge, and that knowledge coupled with Your enveloping grace, are the only cards we have to play.  So Lord, we ask that Your will would be done, because we trust that even though it doesn't make sense on this side of eternity, somehow these plans are meant to prosper us (and to further Your kingdom, more importantly) and not to harm us.

I imagine that as Jesus prayed that prayer in the garden of Gethsemane, that he was probably feeling a lot like we are right now.  Dreading what lay ahead.  But yet also peacefully resigned to the will of the Lord.

You see, friends, we have been grappling with our own future this week, much the same way that Jesus grappled with his.  My blog post last Monday was almost triumphant in nature.  That was the tone of the day.  Things were looking up.  We were going to get out of the hospital.  Bleeding had stopped.  Our oncologist was starting to talk about the possibility of doing more treatments in the future.  We were ecstatic.

And then the bleeding started again.  In earnest.

And our doctor, full of compassion and concern, told us last Tuesday the words that we have so dreaded hearing.  We are out of options.  We have done everything that we can do to save Ryan's life.  It was now time to go home and enjoy what time we have left.  And that time is probably better measured in days and weeks than in months.

We have always wanted to keep this community, you, our support network, as up to date as possible, but facing what seems to be approaching has been difficult.  We needed time to process. I do hope you'll understand why we haven't been forthcoming with this news - it has ripped our hearts to shreds and we have struggled with how and when to tell all of you. I know that this post is going to be a tremendous letdown for literally thousands of people, and I so wish that I had better news to bring.

Thank you for the grace, love, and support you have shown our family for now over two years. Please pray with us for courage, comfort and peace right now. We continue to place our hope in the Lord, and we always will.

We love you.

One bumpy ride

Dear friends and family,

After enduring five hours on a gurney, basically strapped in the bed of a pickup truck, by the grace of God I made it home. As you can imagine, this trip took quite a bit out of me. Kendra and our families plan on taking some time to recharge our batteries and learn about what our new normal looks like. We understand many of you have a strong desire to connect with us, but we would like to get through the next VERY busy few days and then see what next week looks like. Thank you so much for your cards, emails, and encouraging comments. We are blessed.

Just left CTCA

Thanks for praying us out of here!

More positive news!

Hi there everyone,

We are still here at the hospital, but it is starting to sound more and more like we might be getting out of here this week!  Our surgeon met with Ryan this morning and was extremely pleased with how he's doing.  Ryan has had a couple of really positive days and his paracentesis output has slowed down to absolutely NOTHING since yesterday morning. :)  Incision is doing very well, pain controlled, counts stabilizing, and he's getting much more mobile!  The news that we heard today was that Ryan could get discharged tomorrow to be able to go over to the hotel, and then depending on how he does caring for himself, we could go home - YES, I JUST SAID HOME - the best place on earth - on Wednesday or Thursday. :) :) :) :) :) :)

Please pray that direction!

We love you guys!

-kp

Edit: I also just remembered that Tigers baseball starts one week from today.  Oh my goodness, today is amazing.

Moving forward

Hello everyone,

Another day in the hospital, and another day closer to going home. We are hoping (please pray with us) that we can bust out of here mid to late next week. Ryan is stable, feeling decent, and taking laps quite often. His doctors are pleased with his physical stamina and his pain tolerance. The immediate goal is to get his GI tract started up again so that he can get the annoying NG tube out of his nose; that is not a lot of fun. However, he has a few hurdles to jump before we break him loose, such as some of his counts normalizing a bit.

We have been blessed by the cards, notes, comments, and gifts that have been sent for us and for Colton. I feel like a broken record, but I just want to reiterate that we are feeling the love. We are so appreciative of all of you, and we feel so girded and supported by our brothers and sisters in Christ. This journey is not easy, but we are glad that we are doing it with you by our side.

We are looking forward to a quiet weekend with lots of March Madness and spring training games. We look at each day to spend together as an absolute gift. Hug your family and enjoy them this weekend and thank God for the blessing of family. Alright? :)

They found a bleed!

A tumor in the back of his liver has a vessel that is bleeding.  They are going to do a small incision to fix the bleed because they cannot fix it with laparoscopy.

This is the best possible news we could have gotten!

Not out of the woods yet, and surgery should be another couple of hours.

Ryan is in surgery now.

I just said "see ya later" to him at 12:10 Central.

He is totally at peace with whatever outcome we have today. I am as well.

We read Psalm 86 while waiting for him to go back. That is my favorite "trench" psalm. Every time I feel pressed down or about to be destroyed, I read that and I remember that my God goes before me (us) and is my (our) Great Defender. We surrender ourselves fully and completely to His will.


And if our God is for us - then who could ever stop us?

And if our God is with us - then what could stand against us?

Laparoscopy tomorrow

Hello friends,

Well, it's scheduled.

Tomorrow later in the morning, Ryan will go in for a laparoscopy (you should hear how many different ways we have pronounced that today).  They are going in for a diagnostic laparoscopy, and they are going to look for "the leak".  If they do not find a leak or they find a tumor is simply "oozing" blood, then there is not much that they can do and the procedure will be over.  If they find a leak, they will try to cauterize, clamp, or sew the leak (whatever is appropriate).  There is a small risk that there might be a major organ involved in the leak, such as the colon.  There is a possibility of Ryan having to have part of his colon resected, if that is the case.

Yikes, I'm sure that just got your attention.

There are obviously some risks involved in this procedure.  The biggest is general anesthesia.  There are obviously more major risks if the procedure progresses to the point where they need to do an open surgery.  We ask for you to cover Ryan in prayer tomorrow, for his safety and for the wisdom and guidance for the doctors.  We feel at peace.  If this is successful and stops the leak, we are so grateful.  If it doesn't and we have to make some tough decisions, we are at peace with that as well.

Our God is so faithful to us.  As Ryan and I look back over the last seven years of marriage, we see so many instances of where we had needs, and God provided for them.  Every. Single. Time.  He's continuing to do the same for us now...covering us in grace and peace when we so sorely need it.


Psalm 85: 8-9


8 I will listen to what God the Lord says;
    he promises peace to his people, his faithful servants—
    but let them not turn to folly.
9 Surely his salvation is near those who fear him,
    that his glory may dwell in our land.

Angiogram results

Procedure could not find the bleeding. Another surgical team will be consulted tomorrow. Right now we are disappointed in these results, but we are choosing to remain positive and hopeful, because we serve a God who offers hope even in the valley.

And he's in.

The procedure has begun. 3 hours or so. Will update soon.

“To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:25-31 NIV)

Pray for tomorrow!

Hi friends,

Thanks for praying us through the harrowing Friday afternoon. This weekend has been concerning. Ryan has lost a significant amount of blood. He's getting transfused pretty regularly, but his hemoglobin keeps seesawing. His clotting is back to normal again though, praise God.

A nurse just came in and told me that Ryan's angiogram should be happening tomorrow - unsure of the time. They will check his labs again tomorrow morning to ensure that he is built up enough when heading into the surgery.

All of the bleeding the last three days could be a blessing in disguise; that means that the leak should be visible during the procedure tomorrow. PLEASE PRAY LIKE CRAZY THAT THEY CAN FIX THE LEAK. I don't mean to be melodramatic, but this is absolutely crucial to his progress.

When I find out a time, I'll post a short update so that you can pray in earnest.

Ryan gave us quite a scare tonight. He's been pretty anxious so he took a drug called Ativan that he's taken plenty of times before with no adverse reactions. However, they gave him the IV form of it which is apparently PRETTY potent. He is currently absolutely passed out sleeping. I got pretty freaked out when I could not wake him up so I went to find a nurse and frantically texted my father in law to get here. Sorry for the scare, Steve. :) However, he's stable - just sleeping incredibly hard.

We continue to be so thankful for all of you. I can't tell you how much all of your prayers and notes are encouraging us right now when we need them so much.

The body of Christ is amazing.

Whoa

Procedure will be Monday. Exploratory Angiogram with the intent to embolize a bleed if they see one.


Ryan's blood cannot clot properly; this is why the procedure can't happen today. Plasma will be coming. Plasma MIGHT take care of the increased bleeding.


Radiation may be happening today as per usual.


Please keep praying. We are all having a slight case of PTSD after this episode the last hour. Seriously. We are all kind of a wreck right now.

Huge, huge prayer request.

Please put this prayer request out.  We need serious prayer right now.

Ryan's bleeding seemed to change last night - I wouldn't say that the production increased sharply, but the blood that was coming out of his bag was much darker than even earlier in the day yesterday.  We were slightly alarmed, but then this morning his hemoglobin had dropped rather significantly.  There is a team of doctors that was contacted (representing gastroenterology, interventional radiology, radiation, and surgery) that is trying to put a plan in place.  The initial plan sounds like he might have this angiogram and they will go in to look for this "fault" and embolize it to try to stop the bleeding.  This is a total 180 from what we had heard last week.

We are extremely confused and will soon be in a consult with the doctors.  We are asking for wisdom, for God's clear direction, and if Ryan has to have a procedure tonight - PLEASE PRAY FOR SAFETY!  We are extremely concerned.  We will, of course, update this blog as soon as we know anything more.  It may be short, but I'll keep my phone on me to be able to send out information as we gather it.


Psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.

Two days in a row!

Feeling really well again today. Very positive news on the digestive front today! Please keep praying but lots if good news so far. Treatment around 5 cst today. Thanks or the packages, emails, cards, chores, support, and everything I'm forgetting. We're so blessed.

Please pray for Colton. There is no schedule or rhythm for him which can be hard at times. We miss many of you very much. If we haven't met yet we would like to someday soon.

Lastly keep praying for the blood leak to stop or slow down quickly. This is one of the last pieces to fall back into place.

Until then we will praise God and watch Big Ten basketball all day!

Another short update

Hello everyone, posted below is Ryan's radiation treatment schedule. Please remember that those times are Central. We are grateful for your prayer! Dr. Eden was pleased today to hear of how you all have been lifting him up. The first treatment was uneventful.

Ryan gave me the ok to give a few more details on here about his GI struggles. Since being hospitalized, Ryan has been struggling with constipation. It's pretty severe at this point. Our doctors are working diligently to resolve this, but in the meantime it is the source of much frustration on our part, and lots of pain for Ryan. Please pray for his digestive tract to restart. We are worried.

Other than that, there is not any major news for tonight! Well, wait, there is some HUGE news. Colton has been almost accident-free for a week - daytime AND nighttime. I guess with our child, the opposite logic of most normal potty training is true: completely remove him from his comfort zone, place unending streams of new people in his life, and remove almost all structure. Hmm.

Have a great evening!

Short update

Hello friends!

Just a very quick update tonight. Ryan is feeling better, but the GI symptoms are still unresolved. Radiation is supposed to be tomorrow around 1:00 Central time. He was more alert today and he had a grand time ripping on people - his sense of humor never fails him. :)

Alright. I'm exhausted. Good night!

On Christ the solid rock I stand.

...all other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.


Hello.  Here we are on Sunday, March 10.  I'm trying to keep the "clack clack" of the keyboard to a minimum as Ryan sleeps beside me.

The last couple of days have been both wonderful and rough.  Some close family members came into town for the weekend which was AMAZING, and we just said goodbye to the last of them.  We are back down to just immediate family plus one Amy. :)  It was wonderful to see people, but Ryan has been increasingly uncomfortable with some nagging GI symptoms.  Please pray for relief to come from those problems.  I think he'd be a thousand times happier if that were the case.

The bleeding has not stopped; if anything, it has increased slightly.  His hemoglobin is hanging in there, though, and we are grateful for that.  Radiation starts TUESDAY, please make sure that you circle and star that date on your calendar! When I know appointment times, I will make sure to tell you all so that you can specifically pray at the time of day that he has radiation.

Not much else to report medically.  Emotionally I think we are all just very drained and tired.  Monday punched us in the gut, then we got hopeful when there seemed to be some treatment options, and now it is very hard on everyone to see Ryan be uncomfortable.  Spiritually, Ryan continues to be our mouthpiece - or rather, God's mouthpiece, reminding everyone that our hope is in Christ, not here on earth.  I continue to remind myself of Romans 8:18: "I consider that our present sufferings do not compare to the glory that will be revealed in us."  Won't it be sweet, someday, for us all to have forgotten about these earthly troubles and to be in glory?  I'm shivering at the thought of that. How sweet that day will be!

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus' Name.

Pray for Dr. Eden!

Hello everyone.

Today has been a pretty calm day.  Ryan hasn't really had any procedures done except for another blood transfusion.  A slight downturn in both hemoglobin (darn) and bilirubin (yay!).  Bili will probably go up again tomorrow as a result of the transfusion but it's trending in the right direction.  It's important for it to go down so that we can do chemo.

Ryan met briefly with Dr. Eden (incredible, Christian radiation oncologist) today to talk about the upcoming IMRT treatments that he will start.  Good news: scans are first thing tomorrow morning and he can probably start radiation Monday, Tuesday or - HOLY COW, that was expedited.  Dr. Eden specifically asked for us to galvanize prayer support on our blog for him and his team.  A LOT hinges on these radiation treatments.  The outcomes that he is hoping for: stop/shrink new tumors and stop the exudative "leaking".  This is an extremely critical piece for Ryan to be able to continue treatment.  Please pray that Dr. Eden's hands will be guided by the Lord - that his team will be able to correctly map the radiation treatments and that the treatments will be effective.

Next steps

Oy.  This has been quite a day for Ryan, talking with lots of nurses and doctors.  As per usual, I am going to be doing bullet points because they help me keep my thoughts straight. :)

• His bleeding has picked back up again slightly. Although there have been some changes and abnormalities in the last 24 hours. It is very important to keep praying that direction, but it hasn't yet happened completely.
• He has another bleeding scan today at 1:30 CST to determine whether or not they will see any active bleeding.
• Doctors are conjecturing that he is having "exudative" bleeding, which would be a tiny leak of bloody fluid seeping from minuscule capillaries.  That type of bleeding would not be picked up on any scan, angiogram, or laparascopic surgery but would still produce a noticeable amount of drainage.  It is not nearly as serious as "active" internal bleeding would be - Ryan's whole system would be shutting down and he would be in a lot worse shape if that were the case.
• His hemoglobin went down a tiny bit and then stabilized and his bilirubin went up a tiny bit (from yesterday).  Although those are not the correct directions, they're minor changes and no one is alarmed. They're both still generally heading in the correct direction.
• So, that brings me to the next steps.  His primary oncologist has consulted with radiation, interventional radiology, and surgery.  The best course of action - Ryan is going to have targeted radiation to specific tumors that will last for five days. After that, the hope is that the new growths will be slowed/killed and then he can start chemo asap.  Everyone is in agreement that chemo needs to happen as fast as possible, but radiation could be the first step to gain some momentum against the cancer's growth.
• Consult for radiation (scans, mapping) should happen tomorrow or Friday.  Please pray for that to happen expeditiously - we are riding them to try to get it done as fast as possible.  He could possibly start radiation in the middle of next week.
• We are all relieved that there are some courses of action, but some hurdles need to be jumped.  Good thing we're all athletic. ;)  And pushy.  No one with the last name of Prudhomme sits back on their laurels.
• We know that many people would like to come and visit.  We have a lot going on right now, and Ryan only has so much energy.  Please direct your inquiries about visiting through Kendra - text me if you have my number, or email me through the form above and I'll get back with you shortly. If circumstances worsen and it becomes necessary for friends and family to travel, we will change our stance on this.  For now, though, it seems best to hold off.

Thank you so, so very much for your prayers.  I cannot reiterate enough how much they are sustaining us.  Today I'd ask you to pray for our sweet little boy.  We are doing our darndest to make sure that his needs are met, but obviously he's so little and he can sense something is up, yet he doesn't understand.  He does know that Daddy has "owies" but we are trying very hard to not alarm him and to keep him feeling safe and sheltered and loved.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Another day in Zion

Hello everyone! We are very grateful for your prayer overnight. It helped sustain us.

Jeremy is here. He arrived this morning at O'Hare. We are so glad that he was able to leave work and be here with his brother. Corey was here yesterday but has an internship today. Colton is pumped to be with his uncles and his daddy and Papa. Mama and Grandma are okay in a pinch. Colton's morning has largely consisted of playing games on his iPad and running sprints up and down a quiet hallway.

We still don't know what this day brings. The angiogram has not been scheduled yet. We will update again when we know a specific time and we are asking for a prayer assault when that is scheduled. Stay tuned.

Give thanks to the Lord , for he is good; his love endures forever. Let Israel say: “His love endures forever.” Let the house of Aaron say: “His love endures forever.” Let those who fear the Lord say: “His love endures forever.” When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord ; he brought me into a spacious place. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. (Psalm 118:1-6a NIV)