Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What's going on?

Hey there everybody,

Well, like it or not, school is back in session.  For some of us, this means much busier times...like teaching, daycare, running around after school to practices, etc.  For some of you, it may be relief!  Phew, I'm home alone/with less children again!  I'm actually so busy lately that I'm typing this while on my lunch break at school, while scarfing down almonds (I have yet to actually remember to bring a lunch except for one day...sigh).  Busy feels good, most of the time.  Normalcy is something that I crave, even though my normal is a crazy schedule.

Being busy takes my mind off of things, which is a blessing in the moment but sometimes it can be overwhelming when things come rushing back.  As I was driving home from work yesterday (Monday), I began praying - and I hadn't even gotten out of Grand Haven before I was in floods of tears.  To say that I've been struggling with the question "Why us?" lately - that would be an understatement.  The question of why my son Colton's dad is in serious danger of losing his life, when there are plenty of deadbeat, awful dads out there - I cannot answer that in my finite wisdom.  It is so unfair.  God, why don't you just take jerks out of the world while they're young and leave us good people alone and let all of us live nice, long lives?

I know that this is irrational, and I know truths in my head.  But there is a huge disconnect sometimes between the truths that I know about God and what I feel in my heart.  This is precisely why I'm not worried anymore about how I'm going to handle all of this situation, because my head almost always wins out over my heart (my life is ruled by logic).  At the end of every difficult situation, I grudgingly make the choice to trust.  But getting between point A and point B can be a very sticky, difficult road sometimes.  When I'm having a downer day, it's because for the umpteenth time, I'm trying to figure out this tricky situation of giving up control issues.


In other news, Ryan and his dad are headed down to Zion today.  No big scans are scheduled, but please pray for excellent, encouraging bloodwork.  Please pray that Ryan's next treatment cycle goes very well...no serious nausea since the ugly cycle 3 in June, and we'd like to keep it that way.  His neuropathy is getting a little worse every cycle (since it has cumulative effects on the body), but it's still extremely manageable.  We would just really like it if it didn't progress hardly at all.

We've gotta pray these tumors away.  God is absolutely able.  Let's keep bringing it before his throne!

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