Last night I went to bed at 11 but woke up at 12. I knew I was awake, there was no going back. So I came out and laid on the couch after taking some heavy duty sleep meds. After about 4 hours of horsemanship shows and pawn shows (which aren't any better at 4 in the morning) I finally felt tired enough to go to bed around 4:15. Finally sleep. Then my alarm went off at 5:45. Ahhh men's prayer breakfast! Is there every a good day for one of those? How about not the day after chemo on about two hours of sleep?
I got up (against my wife's will) took a shower and got dressed. I was not completely awake at this time. I jumped into my truck and starting singing to my western gospel CD. When the roll is called up yonder, what a friend we have, the old rugged cross, etc. Half way to town I realized if I was going to make it through breakfast I needed God's help. I surrendered my frustration of not sleeping and prayed for energy and strength for the day. Incredibly the longer the meeting went the more energized I was. I felt great all morning. Down right jovial. A little weak physically but alert and sharp mentally. This lasted most of the morning and into the afternoon.
Late afternoon I started to crash and all of a sudden a video project I though was due in a week or two we realized was now due on Sunday night. AHHHHH. I knew I couldn't do it on my own, with a staff member looking to me for guidance and I can start to feel my mind slipping. I prayed again, "Lord please give me grace for today. Guide my mind and my thoughts so I can lead Daniel to use his hands for you." It felt like a jolt of energy, of clarity of mind. I was able to focus and we got a huge amount done.
Next was a meeting with a leadership team from my church evaluating how to fill some staff positions and where God is leading us. When my mind isn't working those thoughts intimidate me. I know what I want to say but often can't get it out, or say something that really makes it worse. Again I prayed before the meeting, and felt a sense of energy, alertness, and engagement in the discussion that was totally normal.
All day long I've been afraid of not being able to fulfill my obligations because of mental lapses and fatigue. However it has been an extremely productive day. I have no idea how under heavy chemo and about 2 hours of sleep I'm still going strong. God's grace sustains me for simple things like energy and clarity of thought. There is a could of witnesses holding Kendra and I up right now and we feel overwhelmed by their goodness.
It's been a great day, but I'm starting to get a little foggy now. Could you tell :)
What daily triggers are in your life that you need to surrender and ask for strength to overcome instead of trying to solve things on your own?