Prayer session

Hi friends, just wanted to make you aware of this, whether you can join virtually or actually in person, our friend is hosting a prayer session at a church in Hudsonville:

Hudsonville Reformed Church
3950 Highland Dr, 
Hudsonville, Michigan 49426-1955
7:30 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.

Here is the link to the Facebook event, which is public.

Answers to Prayer!

Over the last couple of days I've seen many prayers answered.

Here's another one many of you were praying along with us.

The Theraspheres radiation treatment is now scheduled for next Wednesday the 21st! Which means we'll get the treatment before Thanksgiving. Things have moved much faster than what we were told was possible. I think we all know why.

I wanted to give you all an update and thank you again for your prayers.

Week 2 treatment times

Monday: 2:50 pm
Tuesday: 11:50 am
Wednesday: 9:10 am
Thursday: 9:10 am
Friday: 7:50 am

All times are Central time.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Here was my Facebook status from Sunday night:

I'm so glad that we chose to ask people for prayer this week.

Here are very, very specific answers to prayer that we've had:

1. We felt more peaceful heading into these scans than I think we ever have before.  Sitting in the little room is always agony for both of us, and we were jovial and joking around the whole time.  My stomach only danced a couple of times inside my abdomen, instead of doing the cha-cha for 24 hours straight before the appointment.
2. I had a meeting on Monday afternoon that went as well as I could have possibly hoped for.  I can't share details at this point, but praise God for the results of it.
3. Ryan's scans showed that everything (tumors, blood work) totally stable again four weeks after starting the new treatment.  This is the best that I hoped for!  We have scans again in eight weeks and I'm going to throw my prayer energy into asking God for some shrinking of these darned tumors at that point.
4. Our oncologist mentioned that there is a new chemotherapy drug in the midst of FDA approval right now that he is excited about with regards to the treatment of cholangiocarcinoma.  I REALLY wish that I had asked him what the name of it is, but I forgot to. :(  If you read this and you're interested in learning more, I can get ahold of him and I'll ask for you.
5. Ryan is continuing to get more and more inquiries on speaking engagements. He is speaking several times this upcoming month and we are both sooo excited about how God is using this trial in our lives to impact other people!  By my estimate, around two thousand people have now heard Ryan (and/or me) speak at various events, and we have now had over 75,000 hits from 8,000 unique visitors.  I'm not boasting, because this has nothing to do with us, two ordinary people.  I give God the glory for how He has turned a painful situation into a way for people to draw closer to Him.  If we have to walk through this (which we do, unfortunately), there may as well be some eternal value to it!

We are in high spirits right now.  It feels like life is moving forward, ever so slowly...and even though the future still remains a giant question mark, we continue to remain absolutely certain that we serve an all-powerful God who works miracles, and has plans to prosper us - not harm us.  He gives us HOPE and a FUTURE!

Happy 26th birthday, Ryan!

Today my husband is 26!

(I very specifically remember some dark days this past spring when I doubted that my husband would reach this day.)

And he feels good today!  He looks great.  No, I'm not just being biased.  He looks exactly the same as he always has, handsome and healthy.

A recent picture of us.  Hottt husband.

I am so thankful for him.

Our celebrations are already pretty much over for his birthday, besides a quiet dinner tomorrow night with just the three of us in Chicago (more on that in a minute).  The BIG celebration was last weekend.  Last Saturday, I totally "got him" with a surprise birthday party!  Over fifty of our friends and family attended and it was a great time.  No, he didn't have a clue - I pulled one over on the world's biggest analytical mind!

"Ok, no more smiling...let's eat cake, Daddy!"

So now that things have quieted down, his actual birthday will be spent doing something very different than the norm: going to Chicago to get a scan done and to see what's going on inside his body.  Pray for positive news.  After last month's mediocre news, I could stand to hear something extraordinarily awesome & God-sized.  However, it's only been four weeks (two cycles) so I'm expecting not much will be different.

Please stop and pray for us today.  We ask for many, many, many more birthdays.  At least fifty more.

Then please do a couple of other things.

#1: Tell Ryan "happy birthday"! (You can comment here or else "like" his page on Facebook - look to the right panel of the blog and click "like" and tell him that way.)
#2: Share this blog post on Facebook, or send the link to a friend.  If you know of someone that would pray for us as we head into this week's scans, or you know of someone that could be encouraged by reading our blog, then please help us get the word out!  We need all the prayer momentum we can possibly get!

Be careful what you wish for!

A couple weeks ago I asked if you guys would help Kendra and I tell our story to new folks. Well the request was answered.

I'll be speaking four times in the next four days!

Sunday - Kendra and I are speaking at the Bridge North Bible Church
Monday - I'll be speaking at Holland Christian High School
Tuesday - I'll be speaking at Providence Christian High School
Wednesday - I'll be speaking at New Era Reformed to their youth group

There are others scheduled farther out, but this will be a big week for us.

Kendra and I are very very excited about all these opportunities. Please pray for us as we prepare and deliver the messages that God has for us. Please pray for those that will be listening that God would work on their hearts and minds.

Thanks so much for all your help in spreading the word about our story. There are some very exciting things happening in our lives and we can't wait to see where it goes!

We must pray more.

Those simple four words came from an email from church this past week.

On Wednesday, I emailed Ruth, the secretary at our church.  Ruth maintains a list of prayer partners for FBC, and I am on the email list that goes out.  Prayers for our missionaries' special needs, updates on the sick, updates on church ministries, and announcements such as births and deaths go out on an almost-daily basis.  I told Ruth in my email to her about the results of Ryan's tests.  Right before I typed out the message on my iPhone, I had just spent 10 minutes in a bathroom on the third floor at CTCA, creating a pool of tears on the floor and berating God for not answering our prayers.  I wasn't praying, I was yelling.  I was not asking for anything, I was just venting.  I think that I used the word "raging" in my previous post.

Ruth received my email and quickly forwarded it out to the prayer list.  Above my original message, she said those four words: "We must pray more!"  That struck me.  I was wallowing in self-pity and anger and denial, and Ruth called upon our church to pray more diligently and frequently.  Almost instantly, my focus changed.  I can't necessarily say that I'm not still peeved that God did not choose to heal Ryan yet during these last three cycles, but I have resolved to praying much, much more frequently than I have been.

And I'm going to ask you to as well.  I humbly and passionately ask you, our blog followers, to pray more frequently for Ryan's healing.  If you're praying for him once a day, please consider praying twice.  If you're praying five times a day, try eight or ten.  Ryan taught on prayer in Sunday school last week, and he has lots of tips on incorporating a more meaningful prayer time in your life - maybe I'll bug him to share his thoughts here.  One of the things he said in our class was that it is okay for prayers to be even three words.  Many times a day, he shoots up the simple prayer, "Lord, heal me".  If you're like me and remembering to pray for people on a regular basis is hard, then please set up reminders - the "Cowboy Up" bracelet is a great one (we have a lot of them left over from the Rodeo - if you would like one, let me know), or maybe set a reminder on your phone or email.  I have no doubt that God can heal Ryan, and if he chooses not to, then I don't want it to be for a lack of intercession.

Furthermore, I don't want this to be an all "take" situation and no "give".  I can definitely say that my prayer life has been much more fruitful and all-encompassing in the last five months than it ever has been.  Even though I don't always FEEL like God is listening, I KNOW that he is.  If there is something that you are struggling with and it needs prayer, tell me.  I would love to know.  I would feel honored to pray for the same people that are praying for us.

We are all in this together.  We need you so desperately right now.

Thank you for supporting us and continuing to read our blog.  It still catches me by surprise when people tell me that they're reading it.  It floors me when they say that they're being impacted by it.  I am so glad.  Sometimes I worry about how the world will think of me when they read my visceral reactions to this situation (since one of my top motivators in life is to have people approve of me), but if I can encourage at least a few people where they're at, then it's worth living this out in a public forum.

We love you all.  Have we told you that recently?  We are so, so thankful for God's people.

Answered prayers (or, Be careful what you wish for...)

Unbeknownst to the other person, Ryan and I were each praying to the Lord for a deeper relationship with Him before cancer struck.  At the end of a Bible study at church one night in February or March, Lee asked me what I needed prayer for.  "I'm just struggling with apathy right now, Lee.  I feel like I've got things figured out without God, and I'm constantly apathetic.  I need humility.  I need a greater reliance on Him."  Lee gazed at me and said, "I'm hesitant to ask the Lord to give you humility, for fear what He might bring you, my friend!"

Around the same time, Ryan was asking the Lord for something similar.  He asked God to bring him more depth into his relationship with his Creator.  Ryan felt like he, too, was just going through the motions and it felt like his relationship with God was in neutral.  He also asked God to be used by Him.

Little did we know.

As we eventually revealed these prayer requests to each other, we had one of those High Definition moments.  God answered those prayers perfectly.  Nothing else except for a life-threatening, life-altering course of action was going to bring us to our knees and have us acknowledge our utter, aching, desperate need for Him.  After all, most trials come and go and eventually the lessons are dimmed or forgotten.  It was going to take something huge for God to teach us how to truly rely on Him (caveat: we are still learning how to completely trust - lest you think I'm insinuating that we've got this totally down).

And how He has blessed us since then.  Did you know that my husband has a burden to share his story with people?  Yeah, you probably knew that.  That's probably the main reason that we started this blog in April.  He has prayed many times since April 1st for the Lord to use him and give him opportunities to share this journey with people and be able to impact them (after all, cancer without positive things happening...is just cancer.  And cancer SUCKS).  As I posted earlier, Ry had the opportunity to share his story with people at Unity Fest in Muskegon, Michigan yesterday.  It went very well!  There were maybe 50-75 people there, and Ryan shared about the hope that he does have even in the midst of a really tough situation.

Later on that night as we were getting ready to watch the Newsboys in concert, my phone blew up with a "Google Alert" - a while ago, my techie husband set up something so that anytime either of our names shows up in something on the internet, we get alerted.  Anytime that the Kendra Prudhomme from Massachusetts who is 10 years my junior does something, or some other Ryan Prudhomme gets sentenced to jail, I also get notified.  Anyway, I digress.  So this article was what the Google Alert was all about. (Hint: click on "this article" in the previous sentence.)  And, the photographer and reporter would like to do a follow-up story at a later time and spend more time getting to know our family.  We are very excited about this and would love to see how God uses this to possibly open up even more doors for Ryan to speak.  This is what excites us and emboldens us.  We want for this story to get out - for it to go "viral", so to speak.  We deeply desire for our pain to be another person's joy - the joy of trusting God with every inch of their lives, and even more importantly - with their eternity.

As long as cancer lasts, we will praise God for the good works He has done for us.  As long as both of our earthly bodies last, we will trust Him.  He provides for our every single need.  He answers our prayers - even though He takes us down a road that I would never have chosen.  He is truly sovereign and breathing His grace over every moment of our days - sustaining us through situations that I never would have imagined happening to us.


³ I will proclaim the name of the LORD.
   Oh, praise the greatness of our God!
⁴ He is the Rock, his works are perfect,
   and all his ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
   upright and just is he.


Deuteronomy 32: 3-4 (my emphasis added)










And to those who are wondering - yes, the plan is eventually to upload videos and pictures from the Rodeo for Ryan and Unity Fest - we just have to get around to it!

A wonderful gift

I've been recently reading through George Bush's book, Decision Points. One of the things I noticed was when people approached him and said, "I'm praying for you". He would often reply, "that's a wonderful gift".

As you can imagine I'm getting told a lot lately that people are praying for me. I often feel embarrassed, humbled,  unworthy, and at a lack of words. As I read the words in the book, I could relate a little, and I think the President summed it up best, "what a wonderful gift". I'm so thankful and grateful for every prayer that is uttered and petitioned on my behalf. We don't take it for granted and it is a major part of why Kendra and I are holding it together.

God's promises.

Life is not fun right now.

I feel like I've recently written a post that echoed this statement.  My head is spinning and I feel ill as I am trying to contemplate what life will look like in a few months.  Ryan and I met with a couple of representatives from my district this morning to map out what the ramifications are of losing my job - i.e. unemployment, COBRA insurance, recall, seniority, etc.  Let's just say that the meeting left me with not a shred of hope in my job situation.  It was all I could do not to throw up on the table as we were talking.

So in all of this, Ryan and I are definitely starting to feel downtrodden, like things are starting to spin out of control..  I don't know why this is all happening at once.   I feel physically ill from stress and those feelings of anxiety and sickness and malaise are beginning to become the norm in my daily life.  Am I losing faith?  Not at all.  But it feels like things have gotten to the point where I can't help but to physically respond to the emotions within me.

Suffice it to say, I think that Job, Moses, David, Paul, Peter, and many other people in the Bible experienced anxiety.  Facing martyrdom, death of family members, plagues, loss of security - those things absolutely must have provoked a visceral reaction.  How could they not?  We are only human.  The goal is not to be strong in ourselves, but to not allow fear to cripple our mission and purpose in life.  Right now is hard, but I refuse, we absolutely refuse, to allow these trials defeat us.  Satan will not get the upper hand here.

I've been trolling the Bible lately for verses for comfort and for combating fear.  I've discovered and re-discovered some fundamental promises that God has made his people.  I'll list them for you.  Several of them you have probably heard a thousand times.  I know I have.  But they're more essential than I've ever found them to be.  We are standing on these alone:

• Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
• James 4:10 - "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
• Luke 12:31 - "But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."
• John 14:14 - "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
• Psalm 32:8 - "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."
• James 1:5 - "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
• Deuteronomy 31:8 - "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (emphasis added)

And then when I was in Psalms the other day, I read this passage aloud to Ryan because it sounded eerily similar to what we have been praying lately.  I have returned to this passage again, and again, and again.

Psalm 86

A prayer of David.

 ¹ Hear me, LORD, and answer me,
   for I am poor and needy.
² Guard my life, for I am faithful to you;
   save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; ³ have mercy on me, Lord,
   for I call to you all day long.
⁴ Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
   for I put my trust in you.

 ⁵ You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
   abounding in love to all who call to you.
⁶ Hear my prayer, LORD;
   listen to my cry for mercy.
⁷ When I am in distress, I call to you,
   because you answer me.

 ⁸ Among the gods there is none like you, Lord;
   no deeds can compare with yours.
⁹ All the nations you have made
   will come and worship before you, Lord;
   they will bring glory to your name.
¹⁰ For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
   you alone are God.

 ¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD,
   that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
   that I may fear your name.
¹² I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
   I will glorify your name forever.
¹³ For great is your love toward me;
   you have delivered me from the depths,
   from the realm of the dead.


Preach it, brother David.

Prayer for today: Father, you have delivered me from my days of unbelief.  I am no longer walking in darkness.  I praise you for that, Lord.  In everything, my hope remains firmly in you and your provision.  I rely on you for everything, now more than ever.  Hear our cries, protect our family, heal our minds and heal Ryan's body.  Give us faith.  Give us peace that transcends our circumstances.  We love you Lord, you are everything to us.

Hear us, Father.

We don't pray enough, because we aren't desperate enough

A few weeks before I was diagnosed I was having such a difficult time feeling like my regular prayer time was connecting. It all felt like a routine, unemotional pattern. It didn't feel like prayer is "supposed to feel". So I asked God to help make my prayer life more real, help me to feel like prayer was a more important part of my life. Wow, does He ever answer our prayers.

My prayer life has been re-energized and on warp speed. I was walking into work today after praying during my 20 minute commute and realized I have been living in a continual state of prayer for the last month and a half. I have not literally been praying 24/7, but I have been constantly in communication with God. I'm a big fan of three word prayers. It's not deep, articulate, or wordy. It is honest, raw, and real, "God heal me". Every time I'm reminded of my cancer those words are cast out to my Father in earnest request. Maybe 30 to 50 times a day I utter those words.

That is the problem.

It took a major disease that brought me to my knees. I'm now totally dependent on God for mercy if I'm going to be healed. That's what it took for me to reconnect with Him? I'm in the belly of the whale crying out to my Father for mercy. Yet I am praying for myself continually. I'm begging that God give me something which I don't deserve. Is this what Paul meant in 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18?

¹⁷ pray without ceasing; ¹⁸in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

A friend of mine who was diagnosed with stage 4 head and throat cancer and survived told me it is not selfish to want to raise my son, or grow old with my wife. God gave me those desires. I honestly am praying as much or more that God would heal me, so that I can fufill the clear purpose I see laid out before me. I'm also praying that He heal me so I can raise my family to find the same joy and peace I have found.

So God has used this desire of self-preservation to draw me into a constant state of prayer. Once I was there he opened my eyes to so much more that I need to be praying about. This includes praising and honoring Him for everything He is, has done, and is doing. It includes praying for those around me. It also includes asking Him for help in the other areas of my life that need to be conformed to His will. These are things I should have been desperate for in my life before cancer. However I was too proud and arrogant and didn't realize how much I needed God to be in my life 24/7.

We don't pray enough, because we aren't desperate enough. What are you desperate for? Maybe you need to think about it like this: what would you be desperate to save if it was at risk of being taken away from you?

Chemo Brain

A weird side effect from the chemo is what they call "chemo brain". Some may argue I've had it longer than I've been on chemo, but it is characterized by the inability to concentrate, focus, or retain information. For instance I could read the words on the website I was searching, but I couldn't make it make sense. It was tough to watch a sports game for any period of time. One friend told me I acted, "like I'd had one too many beers".

Thankfully I have been feeling much more alert since Sunday night. In fact, I seemed to snap out of it and felt so alert that I stayed up until 4:30 am Sunday night (not my choice). I enjoy having high cognitive function. Not being able to think straight was very frustrating. I was mad that I couldn't study or do my devotions, keep up with the world, or enjoy my favorite magazine (Western Horseman).

We met with a local oncologist today who is willing to administer the second week of our chemo cycle. So our schedule for the next couple weeks will look like this. Week one we'll go to Chicago to the CTCA. Week two we'll get treatment in Muskegon (20 min's away). Week three is an off week and we start over again. Tomorrow is day 8 so we will be getting the second round of chemo.

It was an answer to prayer to find a doctor willing to treat us so close saving us an extra trip to Chicago. He also showed us the lab results of another patient (without revealing identity) who has cholangiocarcinoma and is on the same drugs I am on whose tumor markers have shrunk dramatically over 3 months. This was highly encouraging.

The treatment tomorrow should be much less intense than last week. This drug is not known for the side effects of last week. Please pray that I would be able to tolerate the drugs well, and of course that they would be working every moment to rid me of this cancer.

At times the depth of the situation that Kendra and I are facing pops up and surprises us. Please pray for our peace of mind and that we would continually turn our eyes off of ourselves onto God. We are doing very well, enjoying life for the most part. God is providing for us in so many ways. We are overwhelmed by His goodness.

FYI, there is a movement started by our church for prayer and fasting in our name tomorrow. We're blown away by this and honored. If you would consider praying and or fasting for us tomorrow we would be so grateful.

Update from Cancer Treatment Centers

It is hard to believe that a few weeks ago we did not have any words like chemotherapy, cholangiocarcinoma, or oncologist in our everyday vocabulary. Nevertheless, this is the reality of where we are at and we are learning more every day.

We met with my medical oncology team and other people today. They conveyed the same feeling of positivity and encouragement that we felt initially last week. All signs point to poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma consistent with cholangiocarcinoma. What this means is that the cells of the carcinoma are still cholangio, however they look very different from regular cholangiocarcinoma. This has made it very very difficult to diagnose the cancer. It also could be why things have progressed so quickly even though this is normally a very slow-moving cancer.

I also have ulcerative colitis which which carries a risk of colorectal cancer. There is a completely remote chance that the cancer could be colon cancer that has metastisized to the liver. Colon cancer and cholangio cells look very similar. There is nothing to point us to this conclusion, no medical signs or symptoms. However if it were colon cancer, it would be A LOT BETTER for our prognosis. The treatment would be different and it would be less serious. We are not expecting it to come back colon cancer. The chances are almost impossible. However please pray diligently between now and tomorrow that it would be colon cancer. I will have a colonoscopy tomorrow to rule this in or out.

At this point we have a big day scheduled for tomorrow. I have a colonoscopy tomorrow morning, then a chemo port will be implanted tomorrow afternoon. Both of these are surgical procedures. The pathology from the colonoscopy should be back by Wednesday. If it comes back negative for colon cancer, we will move forward with treating it as cholangiocarcinoma. We will combine chemotherapy with diet, vitamins, minerals, and supplements to aid the chemo, and heal the liver. Chemo will start on Wednesday afternoon right now.

We are optimistic about the effectiveness of the chemotherapy drugs. In the words of the oncologist today, "these drugs are damn good drugs". Also fast-moving cancer responds better to chemo (confirmed, Brian, thank you). We will know in about six weeks if it is responding.

I have been thinking about this whole situation as I go about my days. Sometimes it is easy to watch a sports game or go through a mall and look at all the people going through the motions and feel so different from them. Then you start thinking, "why me God?. I've tried to keep your commandments my whole life. I work in ministry. My goals are noble. I'm a great guy who it seems like You have big plans for, why me?". I've really been convicted however to start thinking, "why not me?" You see I've not kept all the commandments just like the rich young ruler, there are things I've struggled with. I'm a sinner, and this is a fallen world. Sickness and disease are a part of this. However God also promises to not give us more than we can bear. I can bear this. Maybe other people aren't ready or could not bear this at this time. Sometimes I feel like telling God, "No Mas". However I know He is using this in so many powerful ways. As I said to a friend the other day. I wish everybody could go through this, with out having to go through it. The glory of God is so close I can taste it. The hymns and worship songs I sing are so literal and real. The words are no longer distant hyperbole that I can't relate to. It is well with my soul.