Updates, thanksgiving, and prayer request.

Hello blog readers,

I know that we have been noticeably silent on here lately.  And I literally have about ten minutes to update our blog before we race off to the next thing, so here is a bulleted list (I know, LAME) of what is new with us:

• Ryan is en route to Pennsylvania (as I write this) to speak at the Christian Camps and Conference Association Allegheny Sectional.
• Please be in prayer for him as he speaks.  He's feeling better, but has been battling a cold/cough for the last two weeks and when he gets into a coughing fit, it's kind of ugly.  It will not be easy for him to teach three workshops while he's got a serious tickle in his throat.
• I have started a new job at the Muskegon Area ISD.  Less drive time (woot!) and it is a counseling job.  It was sad to leave Grand Haven but I'm very excited to be doing what I'm doing, counseling students and working with the staff at the Career Tech Center.  Loving it!  I am so thankful to be doing exactly what I've always wanted to do in education, which is to be a counselor - but it has made me BUSY!
• We are in the final stages (inspections, etc.) of purchasing a new home and will hopefully be moving in a few weeks.  In case you were wondering what Ryan's big, exciting news was on Facebook a couple of weeks ago - there you have it!  We are hopefully/probably moving (barring any unforeseen problems) to the southeast side of New Era - I'm actually pretty surprised that it's not a Rothbury address.  Please pray for the sale of our current home.  If you are handy and would like to help with a few minor projects that we need to do, feel free to let us know. :)  Or if you have an overabundance of brawn and would like to help us move, that would also be most appreciated!
• We are on our way to Chicago this week (Wednesday/Thursday) to do scans and start a new chemo regimen.  We are slightly nervous about the outcome, given that there was a tumor that was growing at the last scans and we haven't had the chance yet to do anything to treat that tumor.  So we are hopeful that that is not doing too much, and we are grateful to start systemic therapy again that can target ALL of the cancer.  As always, prayer is much appreciated for that.
• Ryan is deeply involved with the writing of his letters to Colton, the book project that he and Larry Leech are working collaboratively on.  We are actually to the point where we could send sample chapters and the proposal to publishers, so that could use some major prayer.
• Colton is doing awesome and we are starting to actually think about PRESCHOOL - crazy that he could enter this fall.  We are going to hold off (we think) for another year, but it is just insane to be thinking about such things.  Wasn't he just born last week?  I guess not, seeing as how he's talking in crazy long sentences, singing, using his imagination, and cracking jokes.  I just love that boy!
• Please be in prayer for Ryan's recent symptoms, which could still be after effects of the two therasphere treatments that he did in November and January.  Fatigue, lack of appetite, and increased bilirubin levels have been the main culprits.
• Ryan just celebrated his 27th birthday three days ago!  27!  We love that number but we love 28 much, much more.  Please keep praying for Ryan to see as many birthday candles on top of a cake as possible.
• And in case you were wondering, Tigers individual game tickets go on sale March 2nd.  I'm ridiculously excited for that date to come.  We have missed baseball around here and hope to get to a few more games this year!

Well there you have it, the major update of what is going on around here.  Please know that we love you all, and we love hearing from you.  We are grateful for your prayer support and covet it in the next week especially.as we head into scans.

2 Corinthians 4: 7-18

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

13 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, 14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. 15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Dancing Queen (or, the day we got great news).

Dancing Queen.  That is me right now.

Those of you that know me (and/or love me) know that "Dancing Queen" is a celebratory song in my life.  Weddings, baby showers, karaoke nights, or even just a car trip to the grocery store are all events in my life worthy of ABBA and an air microphone.

Well, grab your hairbrush and sing along, friends - I have great news that is definitely worthy of dancing.

We got some good news today!

A couple of days ago, Ryan and I outlined to each other what our best hope would be: minimal to no growth, that his pain would not be attributed to tumor growth, and (I secretly hoped) for no more chemo - for now at least.  Here are some bullet points that illustrate the news we got today:

• Minimal growth - some of which could actually be inflammation from radiation
• Great bloodwork that showed his bilirubin continues to decline, everything is stable
• His pain is likely irritation from the radiation still, five weeks later (his tumors are on the outside of his liver, so radiating that area would cause the lining of his liver to hurt and be irritated)
• The radiation treatment appears to have been effective, so we're going to do another one on another nearby section of his liver sometime the week of January 7th
• NO MORE CHEMO FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER MONTH - HALLELUJAH
• The next chemo that he will do is not going to cause him to lose his hair - yes, that is totally my issue, but I like looking at Ryan and not seeing cancer written all over him.  My issue, yes.  I own that.
• CT showed his lymph nodes are stable and show no changes.  That radiation he did this summer must have really caused those things to shut it down!  Yes!
• The itchiness he's been feeling lately is not likely caused by his cancer, according to his oncologist - due to normal bloodwork and the position of the tumors on his liver.  Ryan has always been sensitive to dry winter air, but lately the itchiness has been intense and he's been concerned.

Well!  I'd say that it's time to go out and celebrate and sing songs - praises to our God from whom ALL blessings flow, AND perhaps do a little ABBA impression as well! :)

Have a great night, everyone!

kp

Another twist in the road...

Exhale.

I finally just got back to the hotel room after a very long day with my husband of appointments, consultations, crying, feeling better, breaking down again, putting on a brave face for Colton, and going to another consultation.  Essentially, we have not received good news today, but we still have options moving forward.

This morning, we met with our primary oncologist and he delivered a couple of bad news blows: the two tumors that were left in August (very small) are a mixed bag: one shrank, one grew.  However, there is also another mass that has appeared.  Our oncologist thinks that it is probably another tumor, but our interventional radiologist (that we just met for the first time today) postulated that it also might be scar tissue or something from a dead tumor.  Who knows.  Regardless, the treatment that Ryan has been doing lately - the nasty, nasty chemotherapy treatment - is not effective any longer.  So on to plan K (we've exhausted all of the letters A-J, it seems).

Radiation theraspheres.  Some of the people reading this blog right now are probably very familiar with these, but most of you probably are not.  Theraspheres are tiny, radioactive (Yttrium-90) glass beads that are injected into an artery near the right lobe of Ryan's liver, with the intention of attacking and shrinking and killing the 2-3 tumors located there (I should note, before I forget, that there is not any active disease in his lymph nodes, nor is there any disease anywhere else in his body - praise God).  This will hopefully take place in the next two weeks.  Pray for a.) our insurance policies to approve it, b.) for the consultations and procedure to take place expeditiously, and c.) for no more disease to spread in the interim.

A couple of positives about doing the theraspheres: Ryan will get about a month break from chemotherapy - if not six weeks.  He is MAJORLY celebrating this.  Also, this procedure does not have very many side effects.  He's been feeling fine lately (aside from chemo symptoms), so hopefully he has the next six weeks to enjoy a small break from the drudgery of chemo.

Some patients have had wildly successful experiences with radiation theraspheres, some have not had any success.  Our doctor does still have a couple of chemotherapy treatments in mind, so this is not the end of the line by any stretch of the imagination.  This is a temporary setback.  However, earlier today, it felt like I had my heart ripped out of my chest.  This afternoon has been very, very hard and full of rage and tears, but at the end of the day, I know that we serve a God who is sovereign, loving, and wise.  Nope, this wasn't my choice - I wanted to hear those words "cancer free" so badly today, but those will apparently be saved for another day in the future.  If this is His will, if this is His plan, then we gladly follow this newest twist in the road and trust Him implicitly.


Proverbs 3 (NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Just relax a little... it'll help your faith

A week from today, I should know whether the drugs I've been battling over the last couple months have been working or not. Next Friday, Kendra and I will go through our ritual of waiting anxiously for the doctor to tell us whether the cancer is growing, stable, or shrinking. I probably won't sleep much on Thursday. Already we've been shorter and more anxious with each other and life in general. The weight of what's ahead of us has caused us to tense up and try and control life even more.

Do you ever do that? The more out of control your life feels the more you try to control it. I think it's human nature. The last thing we want to do is relinquish what little "power" we have.

As much as I'd like to think it's about my circumstances, it's really about me. More than that it's about my perception of God. When life is out of control I inherently start to wonder if God is still as smart as He says He is. It's not going the way I think it should and I can't make it make sense.

As a matter of fact it's pretty scary at times.

How should we respond?

Sit deep, relax, and start giggling.

For Colton's second birthday Kendra and I bought him a miniature horse, Buckaroo. It's taken Colton a while to get used to the idea of riding Buckaroo. Some days he seemed to do better, but often times he was very scared.

If we could convince him to sit down on Buckaroo, he didn't hide how afraid he was. He would tense up, stop listening, flop or bounce around the saddle. I don't expect much from a two year old in his riding skills but I knew Colton had more balance then this. He seemed incapable of sitting up straight and staying centered.

A couple weeks ago on a night he and I were home alone we went out to chore the horses. We caught both our horses and let them eat a little grass. This was the first time Colton really led his horse around by himself. He did well and only once dropped the lead rope to go chase the dog.

Then he begged me to help him groom and saddle Buckaroo. Anxious to take advantage of his ambition I, helped him get his pint-sized little horse ready. Something was different this time. Not Colton's circumstances, same horse, same dad leading him around, same arena.

The difference was his attitude. I think this was dependent upon his level of trust with me, the one leading him. What was the result? He rode better than he ever has. We walked and even trotted all over the arena. Without any assistance from me, Colton sat almost perfectly. He never swayed or fell off balance, and even was able to learn how to steer, stop, and get Buckaroo going (a considerable task).

It's our perception of reality that keeps our faith from growing. Most of the time the difference between success and failure in our walk with the Lord has nothing to do with what's happening around us and everything to do with how we perceive what's happening around us. Too often the filter is how will this affect me? Why is this happening to me?

Once Colton stopped focusing on what he was afraid of and started listening to me, everything got better. I didn't take him off the horse, but he learned how to ride. In the middle of trials the last thing I usually take time to do, is stop and listen to God.

God doesn't promise to remove us from our difficulties, He does promise "everything we need for life and for Godliness". He promises to teach us to ride through life.