Kendra and I arrived home yesterday night after a late night of chemo infusion Wednesday. We had a slow start coming home, hit some traffic and arrived home about 7 pm. I felt pretty decent all day on Thursday but that is how I felt last time as well. If the chemo went according to plan, then Friday should have been a bear of a day.
I woke up this morning so hopeful I would feel well. Grace Adventures' annual Golf Marathon was today. This is the first time I had decided to be a participant in helping to raise money for summer, to help impact children with Jesus Christ. I made that decision before cancer. Then when my chemo schedule lined out so that my worst treatment would be 2 days before hand, I figured there was no way I could golf today.
I raised money for the event nonetheless, and had a backup golfer fill my spot (thanks Mom). So I woke up this morning at 7 feeling pretty good. My wife made me go back to bed, but at 7:30 I couldn't sleep any more. So I begged, negotiated, whined, and manipulated, and finally got my wife to agree to drive me 1 hour to the golf event. (Kendra's edit: I never win these arguments. It was either take him for a drive and carefully monitor his exertions, or else I would hear about it alllll day long.)
I didn't golf 100 holes like a lot of people did. I didn't even golf a full 9 I don't think. But I golfed a couple. I got outside and was able to be a part of the event. I felt pretty good most of the day. The drive home was rough, but I had a quick cat nap and now I'm better. My appetite is very weak and nausea comes and goes. Please pray I could start eating.
I'm so thankful that God blesses us with little things. I don't know if it mattered to Him that I made it to the Golf Marathon, but it mattered to me. It was a huge blessing and I'm very thankful. I can't wait for what tomorrow's little blessing may be.
P.S. If you're interested in making a donation towards the Golf Marathon, it's not too late! Email me at ryan@graceadventures.org
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The Bible finally makes sense...
Have you ever heard something in the Bible that just didn't make any sense to you? I hope I'm not the only one. One verse that used to do it to me was;
Philippians 1:21, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
These last couple of months I have had to seriously contemplate when my time on this earth may end. It is scary, surreal, and unsettling to think about these things. Something has also gotten my attention that is exciting.
People ask us all the time how we're doing. My response is that it has been the best two months of my left and the worst two months. I love to tell people though about why it has been the best. One reason is that Kendra and I are convinced that God is powerfully and actively at work around us. Something BIG is happening right now. We're seeing signs of things that tell us an incredible thing is about to happen. We both feel like it is still building, getting bigger, like the crescendo of a song. We don't know what it is or what it looks like. We do know it's God-sized and God-led.
We get to be front and center to all of this. We're on the front row watching the fantastic narrative unfold. To be completely honest with you, I don't know at what level God is planning on using me in this process. God at work in our lives gives us great hope, not necessarily that God would heal me, but that He is using me through this.
Which brings me back to the verse.
Philippians 1:21, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
It always seemed backwards to me. If you die, then you're with Christ. Any extra time He gives you on this earth seemed like gain. Any time to spend with your family, enjoying life, growing old, all of that just seemed like a bonus to me (a bonus I still am desiring).
I was looking at it wrong however. I feel like if God saves me from this cancer, then to live is to be able to share Christ more with all those around me. To tell the great story of who He is and what He has done in my life. To live is to be Christ's ambassador to those around me.
To die is gain. I've told a couple people that I come out smelling like roses no matter what God decided to do with my body. To die is gain. Meaning I'll be in a better place than on this earth. No suffering. No pain.
A couple months ago before all this happened I told Kendra I feel overwhelmed when I think of everything God has in store for me to accomplish. I still feel that way. I don't know when I will leave, none of us do. I do know that;
Philippians 1:6, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Like I said, Kendra and I don't know what God is doing, but it is HUGE. He will complete it. We're so excited to be a part of it, and to see what it is.
Philippians 1:21, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
These last couple of months I have had to seriously contemplate when my time on this earth may end. It is scary, surreal, and unsettling to think about these things. Something has also gotten my attention that is exciting.
People ask us all the time how we're doing. My response is that it has been the best two months of my left and the worst two months. I love to tell people though about why it has been the best. One reason is that Kendra and I are convinced that God is powerfully and actively at work around us. Something BIG is happening right now. We're seeing signs of things that tell us an incredible thing is about to happen. We both feel like it is still building, getting bigger, like the crescendo of a song. We don't know what it is or what it looks like. We do know it's God-sized and God-led.
We get to be front and center to all of this. We're on the front row watching the fantastic narrative unfold. To be completely honest with you, I don't know at what level God is planning on using me in this process. God at work in our lives gives us great hope, not necessarily that God would heal me, but that He is using me through this.
Which brings me back to the verse.
Philippians 1:21, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
It always seemed backwards to me. If you die, then you're with Christ. Any extra time He gives you on this earth seemed like gain. Any time to spend with your family, enjoying life, growing old, all of that just seemed like a bonus to me (a bonus I still am desiring).
I was looking at it wrong however. I feel like if God saves me from this cancer, then to live is to be able to share Christ more with all those around me. To tell the great story of who He is and what He has done in my life. To live is to be Christ's ambassador to those around me.
To die is gain. I've told a couple people that I come out smelling like roses no matter what God decided to do with my body. To die is gain. Meaning I'll be in a better place than on this earth. No suffering. No pain.
A couple months ago before all this happened I told Kendra I feel overwhelmed when I think of everything God has in store for me to accomplish. I still feel that way. I don't know when I will leave, none of us do. I do know that;
Philippians 1:6, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Like I said, Kendra and I don't know what God is doing, but it is HUGE. He will complete it. We're so excited to be a part of it, and to see what it is.
The Hansen family.
In case you haven't heard, there is another family in our area who is going through the cancer journey at the same time as us and our stories are very similar. Collin, Courtney, Ryan and I all graduated from Hart High School within a few years of each other. They also have one son, who is just about exactly two years older than Colton.... and his name is Cole! Courtney is a first year teacher in the neighbor district to where I work. Collin has another GI cancer and it has metastisized. The similarities are just numerous.
They got good news yesterday... Collin appears to be responding to treatment! We praise the Lord for an answer to prayer, as we have been praying for Collin and Courtney right alongside our prayers for our own healing. God is doing something big in Oceana County. Let's see what it is!
Anyway, there is a benefit for this other young family this weekend. There are details on www.operationhansen.com. We hope to attend if Ryan feels well enough!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Ever feel like you're in a cyclone?
Anxiety. Fear. Sadness. Grieving.
I'm only seven weeks into this process. My husband is healthy and for the most part, we are enjoying a normal life. Things could be a lot worse, I know that. But for the first time in my life, I am beginning to experience anxiety in a very real way. The emotions that I'm feeling - overwhelming thankfulness for his (relative) health right now, joy at little moments that we share together - and then the paralyzing fear when a sad future creeps into my mind - are like a roller coaster. Have I mentioned that I'm not really into carnival rides? They make me sick.
Today the anxiety amplified when I was notified that I won't have a job next year. I am very sad about this, not just for myself but for my students' sake. I love public education and believe that public education is a great opportunity for children to reach their fullest potential. It breaks my heart to think that my students, who have verbalized how much they hate being in large classes and being in chaos, will be in class sizes of upper 30s next year. The cuts that are going on in Michigan are very frustrating, and not at all what is best for kids.
But through all of this, I am trying to continually remind myself of a few things. Trying.
We serve a big God. Huge.
He is Jehovah Jireh, my provider.
He has a plan that is unfolding, and at this moment I don't understand the big picture, but someday I'll be able to, I'm sure. His ways are higher than my ways, his thoughts higher than my thoughts.
He has plans to prosper us and NOT to harm us.
He is a God of miracles, and he works them every single day.
A woman touched Jesus' robe one time and was healed. If we have faith that Ryan can be healed, darn it, we have a great chance of that happening. Or God could just speak and he will be healed - hey God, however you choose to do it is fine by me!
My dear, dear, DEAR friend Lee told me recently that when fear strikes, let it drive me right back to the Lord and dwell there instead of in my fear. Today when I woke up, I tried doing that instead of letting anxiety attacks control me all day long (like they did yesterday). And ya know what? It helped. Today wasn't great. Anxiety came and went. Bad things happened. But fear didn't rule my day.
Hallelujah.
And in related news, as I write this I can see the Sears Tower - NO, not the Willis Tower or Willetts Tower or whatever people are calling it these days. We are on our way to Zion to meet with our oncologist and Ryan will start round 2 tomorrow. Here's hoping for a TKO to the cancer in Round 2. As the dear friend Lee's husband said at the beginning of round 1, "I can hear those cancer cells crying here in Michigan!"
We won't be getting any scans or real information for three weeks yet. Please pray for minimal side effects for Ryan after round 2, pray for productive meetings with our care team (we have lots of questions to ask), and for safety while traveling.
I'm only seven weeks into this process. My husband is healthy and for the most part, we are enjoying a normal life. Things could be a lot worse, I know that. But for the first time in my life, I am beginning to experience anxiety in a very real way. The emotions that I'm feeling - overwhelming thankfulness for his (relative) health right now, joy at little moments that we share together - and then the paralyzing fear when a sad future creeps into my mind - are like a roller coaster. Have I mentioned that I'm not really into carnival rides? They make me sick.
Today the anxiety amplified when I was notified that I won't have a job next year. I am very sad about this, not just for myself but for my students' sake. I love public education and believe that public education is a great opportunity for children to reach their fullest potential. It breaks my heart to think that my students, who have verbalized how much they hate being in large classes and being in chaos, will be in class sizes of upper 30s next year. The cuts that are going on in Michigan are very frustrating, and not at all what is best for kids.
But through all of this, I am trying to continually remind myself of a few things. Trying.
We serve a big God. Huge.
He is Jehovah Jireh, my provider.
He has a plan that is unfolding, and at this moment I don't understand the big picture, but someday I'll be able to, I'm sure. His ways are higher than my ways, his thoughts higher than my thoughts.
He has plans to prosper us and NOT to harm us.
He is a God of miracles, and he works them every single day.
A woman touched Jesus' robe one time and was healed. If we have faith that Ryan can be healed, darn it, we have a great chance of that happening. Or God could just speak and he will be healed - hey God, however you choose to do it is fine by me!
My dear, dear, DEAR friend Lee told me recently that when fear strikes, let it drive me right back to the Lord and dwell there instead of in my fear. Today when I woke up, I tried doing that instead of letting anxiety attacks control me all day long (like they did yesterday). And ya know what? It helped. Today wasn't great. Anxiety came and went. Bad things happened. But fear didn't rule my day.
Hallelujah.
And in related news, as I write this I can see the Sears Tower - NO, not the Willis Tower or Willetts Tower or whatever people are calling it these days. We are on our way to Zion to meet with our oncologist and Ryan will start round 2 tomorrow. Here's hoping for a TKO to the cancer in Round 2. As the dear friend Lee's husband said at the beginning of round 1, "I can hear those cancer cells crying here in Michigan!"
We won't be getting any scans or real information for three weeks yet. Please pray for minimal side effects for Ryan after round 2, pray for productive meetings with our care team (we have lots of questions to ask), and for safety while traveling.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
A truly beautiful evening.
This past Friday, May 13 was our five-year wedding anniversary. Wow, those five years FLEW by! A few months ago as we saw the date of our anniversary approaching, we thought about doing something special for it. Perhaps an anniversary trip this summer to someplace exotic? I love hot sand and clear blue water. But when everything "went down" in April, all we really wanted to do was to renew our vows and to spend time with our closest friends and family. We successfully accomplished both of those things.
At Little Point Sable Church in Shelby, we said our original vows, made new vows together, and recommitted to loving each other and supporting each other through the best of times, the worst of times, and sang songs of worship to our loving God. It was a beautiful evening, and far more emotional than I ever expected it to be.
I'd like to take a few minutes to tell the world why I love my husband and I'm going to use a few references from the renewal ceremony. One of the things that our pastor originally charged me with five years ago was to respect Ryan for who he is and all he will add to my life. I can't even describe how much Ryan has added to my life. I feel like God truly designed us to fit together perfectly as a couple. All of my weaknesses seem to have a counterpart in Ryan's strengths. He supports me as a wife, as a teacher, as a mother. He encourages me, he rebukes me lovingly when it's needed, and he makes me laugh all the time.
One of the other things that Bob said in our ceremony, is that Ryan is more a man of God now than he was five years ago. I can tell you with insider's knowledge, this is entirely true. When I married Ryan, I respected him a lot as my brother in Christ. Now I respect him even more tremendously. One of the things that people have asked me is whether or not Ryan's "public" persona (on this blog or in the emails we send or the Facebook statuses he posts) is the same person that he is in private. I can assure you, absolutely he is. Throughout the last six and a half weeks, I have seen Ryan have more moments of fear and despair than I have ever before, but I think that's a normal reaction when one is told that they have serious cancer. But not for one second have I seen his faith waver. Not even one millisecond. This is who he is. Strong. God-honoring. Encouraging. Thoughtful. Deep. I consider myself to be the most privileged girl to be married to him, because he encourages and inspires me in my own walk with the Lord. He is a great example of what a spiritual leader looks like, in his workplace, in his home, and to his friends. He's not perfect, no sir. He has faults that I'm acutely aware of! But he's perfect for me. Thank you Lord for creating him, and for bringing us together!
So by now, I'm sure that some of you may think that I'm being slightly hyperbolic, but this is how I feel about my husband. I respect the heck out of him, more and more all the time as I watch his reaction to incredibly difficult circumstances. I love you, Ryan. Here is to five wonderful years, and God willing - many more.
At Little Point Sable Church in Shelby, we said our original vows, made new vows together, and recommitted to loving each other and supporting each other through the best of times, the worst of times, and sang songs of worship to our loving God. It was a beautiful evening, and far more emotional than I ever expected it to be.
I'd like to take a few minutes to tell the world why I love my husband and I'm going to use a few references from the renewal ceremony. One of the things that our pastor originally charged me with five years ago was to respect Ryan for who he is and all he will add to my life. I can't even describe how much Ryan has added to my life. I feel like God truly designed us to fit together perfectly as a couple. All of my weaknesses seem to have a counterpart in Ryan's strengths. He supports me as a wife, as a teacher, as a mother. He encourages me, he rebukes me lovingly when it's needed, and he makes me laugh all the time.
One of the other things that Bob said in our ceremony, is that Ryan is more a man of God now than he was five years ago. I can tell you with insider's knowledge, this is entirely true. When I married Ryan, I respected him a lot as my brother in Christ. Now I respect him even more tremendously. One of the things that people have asked me is whether or not Ryan's "public" persona (on this blog or in the emails we send or the Facebook statuses he posts) is the same person that he is in private. I can assure you, absolutely he is. Throughout the last six and a half weeks, I have seen Ryan have more moments of fear and despair than I have ever before, but I think that's a normal reaction when one is told that they have serious cancer. But not for one second have I seen his faith waver. Not even one millisecond. This is who he is. Strong. God-honoring. Encouraging. Thoughtful. Deep. I consider myself to be the most privileged girl to be married to him, because he encourages and inspires me in my own walk with the Lord. He is a great example of what a spiritual leader looks like, in his workplace, in his home, and to his friends. He's not perfect, no sir. He has faults that I'm acutely aware of! But he's perfect for me. Thank you Lord for creating him, and for bringing us together!
So by now, I'm sure that some of you may think that I'm being slightly hyperbolic, but this is how I feel about my husband. I respect the heck out of him, more and more all the time as I watch his reaction to incredibly difficult circumstances. I love you, Ryan. Here is to five wonderful years, and God willing - many more.
Monday, May 9, 2011
We don't pray enough, because we aren't desperate enough
A few weeks before I was diagnosed I was having such a difficult time feeling like my regular prayer time was connecting. It all felt like a routine, unemotional pattern. It didn't feel like prayer is "supposed to feel". So I asked God to help make my prayer life more real, help me to feel like prayer was a more important part of my life. Wow, does He ever answer our prayers.
My prayer life has been re-energized and on warp speed. I was walking into work today after praying during my 20 minute commute and realized I have been living in a continual state of prayer for the last month and a half. I have not literally been praying 24/7, but I have been constantly in communication with God. I'm a big fan of three word prayers. It's not deep, articulate, or wordy. It is honest, raw, and real, "God heal me". Every time I'm reminded of my cancer those words are cast out to my Father in earnest request. Maybe 30 to 50 times a day I utter those words.
That is the problem.
It took a major disease that brought me to my knees. I'm now totally dependent on God for mercy if I'm going to be healed. That's what it took for me to reconnect with Him? I'm in the belly of the whale crying out to my Father for mercy. Yet I am praying for myself continually. I'm begging that God give me something which I don't deserve. Is this what Paul meant in 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18?
17 pray without ceasing; 18in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
A friend of mine who was diagnosed with stage 4 head and throat cancer and survived told me it is not selfish to want to raise my son, or grow old with my wife. God gave me those desires. I honestly am praying as much or more that God would heal me, so that I can fufill the clear purpose I see laid out before me. I'm also praying that He heal me so I can raise my family to find the same joy and peace I have found.
So God has used this desire of self-preservation to draw me into a constant state of prayer. Once I was there he opened my eyes to so much more that I need to be praying about. This includes praising and honoring Him for everything He is, has done, and is doing. It includes praying for those around me. It also includes asking Him for help in the other areas of my life that need to be conformed to His will. These are things I should have been desperate for in my life before cancer. However I was too proud and arrogant and didn't realize how much I needed God to be in my life 24/7.
We don't pray enough, because we aren't desperate enough. What are you desperate for? Maybe you need to think about it like this: what would you be desperate to save if it was at risk of being taken away from you?
My prayer life has been re-energized and on warp speed. I was walking into work today after praying during my 20 minute commute and realized I have been living in a continual state of prayer for the last month and a half. I have not literally been praying 24/7, but I have been constantly in communication with God. I'm a big fan of three word prayers. It's not deep, articulate, or wordy. It is honest, raw, and real, "God heal me". Every time I'm reminded of my cancer those words are cast out to my Father in earnest request. Maybe 30 to 50 times a day I utter those words.
That is the problem.
It took a major disease that brought me to my knees. I'm now totally dependent on God for mercy if I'm going to be healed. That's what it took for me to reconnect with Him? I'm in the belly of the whale crying out to my Father for mercy. Yet I am praying for myself continually. I'm begging that God give me something which I don't deserve. Is this what Paul meant in 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18?
17 pray without ceasing; 18in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
A friend of mine who was diagnosed with stage 4 head and throat cancer and survived told me it is not selfish to want to raise my son, or grow old with my wife. God gave me those desires. I honestly am praying as much or more that God would heal me, so that I can fufill the clear purpose I see laid out before me. I'm also praying that He heal me so I can raise my family to find the same joy and peace I have found.
So God has used this desire of self-preservation to draw me into a constant state of prayer. Once I was there he opened my eyes to so much more that I need to be praying about. This includes praising and honoring Him for everything He is, has done, and is doing. It includes praying for those around me. It also includes asking Him for help in the other areas of my life that need to be conformed to His will. These are things I should have been desperate for in my life before cancer. However I was too proud and arrogant and didn't realize how much I needed God to be in my life 24/7.
We don't pray enough, because we aren't desperate enough. What are you desperate for? Maybe you need to think about it like this: what would you be desperate to save if it was at risk of being taken away from you?
Friday, May 6, 2011
Happiness is...
...my husband feeling so well that he can work on the tractor.
...playing outside in the playpen on a gorgeous evening.
...Tuff being excited to play with a new tennis ball.
And happiness for Colton is NOT riding on the tractor... but that will come, in time.
Nor is dirt really his thing. Yet.
Thank you Lord for the blessing of family, good weather, and an evening where cancer didn't take center stage...or even a supporting role.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Chemo Brain
A weird side effect from the chemo is what they call "chemo brain". Some may argue I've had it longer than I've been on chemo, but it is characterized by the inability to concentrate, focus, or retain information. For instance I could read the words on the website I was searching, but I couldn't make it make sense. It was tough to watch a sports game for any period of time. One friend told me I acted, "like I'd had one too many beers".
Thankfully I have been feeling much more alert since Sunday night. In fact, I seemed to snap out of it and felt so alert that I stayed up until 4:30 am Sunday night (not my choice). I enjoy having high cognitive function. Not being able to think straight was very frustrating. I was mad that I couldn't study or do my devotions, keep up with the world, or enjoy my favorite magazine (Western Horseman).
We met with a local oncologist today who is willing to administer the second week of our chemo cycle. So our schedule for the next couple weeks will look like this. Week one we'll go to Chicago to the CTCA. Week two we'll get treatment in Muskegon (20 min's away). Week three is an off week and we start over again. Tomorrow is day 8 so we will be getting the second round of chemo.
It was an answer to prayer to find a doctor willing to treat us so close saving us an extra trip to Chicago. He also showed us the lab results of another patient (without revealing identity) who has cholangiocarcinoma and is on the same drugs I am on whose tumor markers have shrunk dramatically over 3 months. This was highly encouraging.
The treatment tomorrow should be much less intense than last week. This drug is not known for the side effects of last week. Please pray that I would be able to tolerate the drugs well, and of course that they would be working every moment to rid me of this cancer.
At times the depth of the situation that Kendra and I are facing pops up and surprises us. Please pray for our peace of mind and that we would continually turn our eyes off of ourselves onto God. We are doing very well, enjoying life for the most part. God is providing for us in so many ways. We are overwhelmed by His goodness.
FYI, there is a movement started by our church for prayer and fasting in our name tomorrow. We're blown away by this and honored. If you would consider praying and or fasting for us tomorrow we would be so grateful.
Thankfully I have been feeling much more alert since Sunday night. In fact, I seemed to snap out of it and felt so alert that I stayed up until 4:30 am Sunday night (not my choice). I enjoy having high cognitive function. Not being able to think straight was very frustrating. I was mad that I couldn't study or do my devotions, keep up with the world, or enjoy my favorite magazine (Western Horseman).
We met with a local oncologist today who is willing to administer the second week of our chemo cycle. So our schedule for the next couple weeks will look like this. Week one we'll go to Chicago to the CTCA. Week two we'll get treatment in Muskegon (20 min's away). Week three is an off week and we start over again. Tomorrow is day 8 so we will be getting the second round of chemo.
It was an answer to prayer to find a doctor willing to treat us so close saving us an extra trip to Chicago. He also showed us the lab results of another patient (without revealing identity) who has cholangiocarcinoma and is on the same drugs I am on whose tumor markers have shrunk dramatically over 3 months. This was highly encouraging.
The treatment tomorrow should be much less intense than last week. This drug is not known for the side effects of last week. Please pray that I would be able to tolerate the drugs well, and of course that they would be working every moment to rid me of this cancer.
At times the depth of the situation that Kendra and I are facing pops up and surprises us. Please pray for our peace of mind and that we would continually turn our eyes off of ourselves onto God. We are doing very well, enjoying life for the most part. God is providing for us in so many ways. We are overwhelmed by His goodness.
FYI, there is a movement started by our church for prayer and fasting in our name tomorrow. We're blown away by this and honored. If you would consider praying and or fasting for us tomorrow we would be so grateful.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Work, work, work...it feels GOOD.
Hello praying family, today has been a pretty good day, even though the nausea/queasiness/vomiting finally caught up with Ryan. Twice today he had sudden, overwhelming nausea and "lost it", so to speak. A lingering feeling of queasiness, which he characterized as "almost like carsickness", has persisted today. We still feel overwhelmingly blessed by how mild the nausea has been, given the way that our oncologist had talked it up. We were both sure that it would be much, much worse than it has been.
Both of us were able to spend some time at our jobs today - Ryan had some meetings, did some emailing, and also caught up on some paperwork and whatnot. I had a field trip with my Spanish students to a concert and also a Mexican restaurant...I had a really good day, but I am exhausted.
Please pray tonight, if you read this before you go to bed, that Ryan would be able to get some good sleep tonight. He has been suffering from some insomnia the last two nights and it's very frustrating for him. Also pray for him to be protected from germs around us... Colton's daycare and my school are both easy ways for us to pick up viruses and bring them home. His immune system is going to be very weak and we want to make sure that he is safe.
That's all for tonight...my brain is not functioning at a high level. Good night and God bless!
Both of us were able to spend some time at our jobs today - Ryan had some meetings, did some emailing, and also caught up on some paperwork and whatnot. I had a field trip with my Spanish students to a concert and also a Mexican restaurant...I had a really good day, but I am exhausted.
Please pray tonight, if you read this before you go to bed, that Ryan would be able to get some good sleep tonight. He has been suffering from some insomnia the last two nights and it's very frustrating for him. Also pray for him to be protected from germs around us... Colton's daycare and my school are both easy ways for us to pick up viruses and bring them home. His immune system is going to be very weak and we want to make sure that he is safe.
That's all for tonight...my brain is not functioning at a high level. Good night and God bless!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Trying to find a new normal
Last Wednesday I got my first chemotherapy infusion. Life has been very up and down since then. I'm getting two drugs on day 1, then only one drug on day 8, then no drugs day 14, then start over on day 21. Day 1 of the cycle is the worst. The drug on day 7 is supposed to be much more mild. The side effects are supposed to be strong for nausea and vomiting. However After day 1 I have not been nauseous. I have battled irritabilitly, restlessness, lack of appetite, and difficulty focusing or concentrating. Throw in some insomnia and a little over all weirdness and chemo is one wild ride. I'm so blessed not to battle the nausea. It is my least favorite feeling. I'd rather be in pain than nauseous. I have a litany of supplements and drugs to help the side effects.
I'm also trying to stay very active and keep my muscle mass up. Kendra is a great drill sergeant and regiments my diet and exercise. She is a life saver. I couldn't do it without her. The only reason I can write this is my side effects seem to have lessened and I can focus long enough to write this out. I am staying positive.
Please pray for diminished side effects. Please, please, please pray that the chemo would be working. We will get more tests done after 6 weeks or 2 cycles to tell if it is working. If so then we'll keep going at it, if not there may be a few more options.
We're still being overwhelmed by the prayer and support from our friends and family. We have been anointed with oil twice, our home church is taking Wednesday to pray and fast for us, I know of various others who have been fasting and lifting us up at all hours of the night. We feel humbled and not worthy of all the attention. But we are grateful, so grateful.
Also please pray that Kendra and I could get gack to a work routine the next couple of weeks. We would like to find our new normal as quickly as possible. God is opening so many doors, please pray we would be obedient and respond when called upon.
Thanks for all your support. We are doing well.
(I apologize if this is scattered, I'm still trying to gather my thoughts).
I'm also trying to stay very active and keep my muscle mass up. Kendra is a great drill sergeant and regiments my diet and exercise. She is a life saver. I couldn't do it without her. The only reason I can write this is my side effects seem to have lessened and I can focus long enough to write this out. I am staying positive.
Please pray for diminished side effects. Please, please, please pray that the chemo would be working. We will get more tests done after 6 weeks or 2 cycles to tell if it is working. If so then we'll keep going at it, if not there may be a few more options.
We're still being overwhelmed by the prayer and support from our friends and family. We have been anointed with oil twice, our home church is taking Wednesday to pray and fast for us, I know of various others who have been fasting and lifting us up at all hours of the night. We feel humbled and not worthy of all the attention. But we are grateful, so grateful.
Also please pray that Kendra and I could get gack to a work routine the next couple of weeks. We would like to find our new normal as quickly as possible. God is opening so many doors, please pray we would be obedient and respond when called upon.
Thanks for all your support. We are doing well.
(I apologize if this is scattered, I'm still trying to gather my thoughts).
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