What do you see in your clouds?

This was Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost for His Highest" devotional for today, and it blew me away.  God's character is unchanging, and His goodness is as evident in the overcast days as it is when the sun is shining brightly.

WHAT DO YOU SEE IN YOUR CLOUDS?
"Behold, He cometh with clouds." Revelation 1:7 In the Bible clouds are always connected with God. Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings or providences, within or without our personal lives, which seem to dispute the rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we should have no faith. "The clouds are but the dust of our Father's feet." The clouds are a sign that He is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow and bereavement and suffering are the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near without clouds, He does not come in clear shining. It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials: through every cloud He brings, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in the cloud is to simplify our belief until our relationship to Him is exactly that of a child - God and my own soul, other people are shadows. Until other people become shadows, clouds and darkness will be mine every now and again. Is the relationship between myself and God getting simpler than ever it has been? There is a connection between the strange providences of God and what we know of Him, and we have to learn to interpret the mysteries of life in the light of our knowledge of God. Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God's character, we do not yet know Him. "They feared as they entered the cloud . . ." - Is there anyone "save Jesus only" in your cloud? If so, it will get darker; you must get to the place where there is "no one any more save Jesus only."

A matter of perspective

Many people may not know this about me, but this time last year I was full fledged into a serious depression. I spent the better part of 6-9 months in a dark place emotionally.

Here is the weird part... everything was going right. I had just gotten a great promotion at camp to be the marketing director, my son was born in April, Kendra and I had settled into a new house, and Kendra got a new job at a great school district. Everything was going right, except me. I was going very very wrong.

Fast forward a year and it would appear the situation is reversed. Kendra has been laid off, we have been diagnosed with a life threatening cancer, there are days when it is a struggle to be able to put in a full days work, my physical effects are keeping me from doing things I love to do in the summer. Yet emotionally spiritually I'm doing pretty good right now. I have moments and frustrations, but by and large I feel great as a person.

Why am feeling the way I do? It's all about where I put my choices. I can not control my circumstances. I can control my choices. I'm choosing this time not to rely on my own strength and no matter what God lays in front of my, I commit to him to trust him. A silly part of why I felt so bad last year is that I felt God was pulling horses out of my life with my new job. I didn't want to surrender that area. Now there's a very real chance that God is pulling many other things out of my life, and yet because I have surrendered my will to Him, I'm able to be at peace.

We think we have surrendered and learned that lesson. In reality we have proablby only given 95%. That last 5% comes kicking and screaming. It takes catastrophe some giant event to get us over the bubble. I thought I learned the lesson when I was diagnosed in 2007 with the liver disease, and while that radically changed my perception it doesn't even compare to how I view God now through this "high defintion". Yet while it seems difficult to imagine what else God could bestow on me in the forms of trials, what if there is more out there for me to endure? Is it possible to learn this lesson of obedience even more so that I feel I have now?

Yes, I can and I will!

You see Christianity is a process. You haven't ever arrived. If you had fully actualized who God made you to be, then I think you get checked out of this earth. What else is there left for you to do. So long as you have room to grow, there will be trials. I don't want to go through any more trials right now, but I would love to know what it feels like to be even closer to God.

PS

I am sorry I haven't posted more lately. There are may days when my mind doesn't feel like its working completely and it's hard to put my thoughts together. When I do feel well I'm trying to get caught up on everything that piles up while I don't feel so hot. I will try to be a little more regular again on here. Thank you beyond words for your prayer and support. We're overwhelmed and humbled. We are very excited about the rodeo for ryan benefit, mostly to see all the friends and family who are behind us, and meet the new ones we haven't met yet.

Eucharisteo, revisited

A couple of other thoughts: I should have mentioned somewhere in the post besides in the "labels" section that Ryan helped me write a LOT of that last post.  Even though it came from my name, it has his mark all over it.

I've thought of a few more things that I'm thankful for, so continuing on in the same vein as a few days ago...

• I'm thankful that we've both come to decisions on our own that no matter the outcome of this situation, we will stand firm on God's promises and believe that he will provide for every single one of our needs.
• I'm thankful for this blog, for the opportunity to figure out this cancer journey by writing it down, and that people are reading it.
• I'm thankful for our pastors, for their encouragement and their vocal support of us.
• I saw the pile of stuff in Jenny's office today for the rodeo auctions, and I'm thankful for the businesses and individuals that are giving so generously to that end.
• I'm thankful for a well-timed study of Esther that I'm doing with a fabulous group of friends this summer, and for what God has been teaching me through that.  I'm also thankful for the blessing of being able to come to that study occasionally in a million pieces and have those women help put this Humpty Dumpty back together again.
• I'm thankful that it's a beautiful summer, and that we've had the opportunity to enjoy it thoroughly.
• I'm just plain thankful.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  I am a blessed girl.

Okay that is all for now!

Eucharisteo

We are...

Thankful for the hope that we have as followers of Jesus Christ

Thankful for God’s word and how it girds us and encourages us

Thankful for Ryan being virtually symptom-free still after having been diagnosed with stage IV cancer for almost four months

Thankful for powerful anti-nausea medications

Thankful for chemotherapy, despite its ugly side effects

Thankful for the organization and incredible team at Grace Adventures (where Ryan works) and how they have been so understanding and supportive of Ryan having to take time off intermittently

Thankful for our sweet baby boy, Colton Scott

Thankful for each other and a wonderful marriage based on mutual respect and that it is an equal partnership

Thankful for the new outlook that we have on life, for clarity, for re-prioritizing our lives, and for our new attitude of "Living in High Definition"

Thankful for both sets of our parents, who have been married for 29 years (Prudhomme) and almost 40 years (Klotz).  The four of them have been a huge encouragement and support for us.

Thankful for our four brothers, who have all been there for us during this

Thankful for our many friends and family that are supporting us through this...we feel so loved

Thankful for the generosity of friends, family, and strangers

Thankful for our church family, who have rallied around us unbelievably

Thankful that God has a plan and we don’t have the responsibility of working it out

Thankful for God’s provision for us

Thankful for His protection

Thankful for health insurance that covers most of Ryan's treatments

Thankful for friends that are planning two different benefits for us (August 6^th – Rodeo for Ryan and August 28^th – Hart alumni soccer game)

Thankful for our beautiful, peaceful 10 acres, and the privilege of home ownership

Thankful for cars that run pretty well most of the time, despite their advanced age (consequently, we are also very thankful for Mears Service Center and my dad for keeping them running)

Thankful for the Cancer Treatment Center of America and their positive outlook for Ryan’s health in the midst of a deadly cancer.  Very thankful for the intelligent, compassionate staff that work here


Thankful for two ladies who have encouraged us with their successful stories of overcoming this cancer

Thankful for cancer researchers and their tireless work in finding a cure for a terrible disease

Thankful for the opportunities that we’re getting to speak truth into people’s lives

Thankful that people love us enough to do menial tasks for us like cleaning our house, cooking us meals, mowing our lawn, watching our son (well that is not menial, that is super fun), and doing our laundry when things get overwhelming


Thankful for the increased time that we've had to spend together, and that Ryan feels well enough to enjoy things that we like to do together

Thankful that God has blessed Ryan and I with intelligence and a never-say-die sense of determination, as that has been helpful in us getting answers and finding the best treatment course possible for him






Even in the midst of difficulty, there are always blessings.  They may be bittersweet, they may be small, but they are there.  What are you thankful for?

Awesome appointment!

Ryan's appointment went wonderfully! We were super encouraged by blood counts (normal), weight (up 1.5 lb from last time), and the overall goals of our oncologist: to get Ryan cancer free and perhaps even consider a transplant if things go very well...but that is a LONG, LONG time down the road! Also he said that the slight pain that Ryan has been having could be tumor necrosis...we like that!  DIE, tumors, DIE!

Round 5 (Ding ding ding!)

In one corner we have cancer.  Cancer has a track record of sometimes killing its opponents, but its effectiveness is becoming less and less as more doctors find ways to cure it.


In the other corner we have Ryan Prudhomme, 6 foot 2 inches tall, holding steady at 185 pounds, a 25-year-old, strong, courageous man who isn't afraid of cancer at all and has thousands of people praying for him, plus the anointing and power of the Holy Spirit. Watch out.


(Am I a nerd?  Ryan says I'm a nerd.  I guess he's pretty smart, so it must be true.)


Anyway, I digress.  I am writing this because Round 5 starts over again tomorrow.  Round 4 has been awesome, and Ryan has been feeling so good.  Except...well, yes there is an exception.  Can you please pray for a new symptom that has cropped up?  We're hoping that it's not important, but we are going to be asking our doctor about it tomorrow.

Colton is safe and well-cared for, as a wonderful lady from our church will be watching him for the next couple of days.  I can't wait to see him again on Thursday!  I just dropped him off an hour ago and I already miss him like crazy.

What to blog about?

Lately this blog has been pretty quiet, except for of course when our rancorous friend named Lee hijacked the blog the other day.  Isn't she fun?

The truth is, life has felt pretty normal the last few weeks.  I had an emotional explosion two weeks ago and felt very strongly like the Lord was calling me to surrender this situation (again) to him.  In the wake of that, my stress level has decreased, while my peace with the world has greatly increased.  Ryan has been feeling just about normal.  Colton has been great except for some possible food allergy issues that we've been working on lately (did you know that gluten is in EVERYTHING?!).  So all in all, any blogs that we have to write at the moment might be yawn-inducing.  Consider yourself warned.

So I wanted to blog about something that would encourage the many people that are writing this blog.  I know that many of you have been worried about Ryan and praying like crazy for a miracle.  Don't stop.  But now more than ever, we are starting to find more hope medically.  You see, we have been closely watching the cases of a few people across the nation who have been fighting stage IV cholangiocarcinoma and are either winning the battle, or they have essentially won the war.  If you would have told me this in April, I would not have believed you because I was still puking from the fear that camped out in my stomach after reading about Ryan's cancer on the Internet.  Cancer research is at a frenzied pace.  Our doctor told us at our last visit that Ryan has to make it a goal to stick around for a few years because at this rate, something new is bound to come down the pipe.  So as you are remembering us in prayer, please pray for the many cancer researchers around the nation, that the Lord would use them in a mighty way and give them the knowledge to bust something loose in the treatment and cure of cancer.

At the end of the day, we have some hope medically, but we have utmost hope and faith in our Lord, because He is good and faithful - and he loves us endlessly.

And don't forget about AUGUST 10TH!  That is the big day for scans!

This BLOG is HIJACKED! RODEO ANNOUNCEMENT!

****This blog is being hijacked, at least for today*****

My name is Lee and Ryan and Kendra are my close friends. After a little coercion, with great embarrassment and no desire for inappropriate notoriety, and a small helping of gratitude, the Prudhomme's handed me the keys to the blog today so I can tell you about a benefit we are planning for them.

RODEO FOR RYAN

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6th

from 3:30-8pm

at Paradise Ranch- Grace Adventures

AUCTION AT 6:30pm

There will be family games, a chuck wagon dinner, horse demonstrations, and silent auction. The day will culminate in a ROWDY live auction that will begin at 6:30pm!

The auction items being donated are amazing. Plane rides, gift certificates EVERYWHERE, cottage rentals, and so much more.

I know, if you have watched Ryan and Kendra walk this road, and if you are reading this then in some way you have, that you may have a strong desire to help. There are many ways to help right now and I promise to tell you how.

1. PRAY! Above all, I solicit your continued PRAYER support for Ryan and Kendra. All our hope is in Christ, as our SAVIOR and our HEALER. Please pray for His will to be accomplished, for endurance, strength, and patience. Please pray for the Rodeo and the details of the day.

2. ROCK! During the Rodeo, we will have a Rock-a-thon fundraiser occurring on the porch of the Mercantile. Rocking chairs that will go nonstop, filled with people who have independently raised support for their efforts to give to Ryan and Kendra. Might you choose to fundraise within your sphere of influence as an individual or with a team? You can go to the rodeo website at rodeoforryan.com.

3.COME! Please, please bring your family and friends to enjoy the day and participate in the auction.

4. GIVE! A paypal link is right here. Or send a check to

Word of Life

Attn: Ryan and Kendra Prudhomme

515 N. 72^nd Ave.

Hart, MI 49420

Check will be made payable to Word of Life.

Please do not write their names on the check itself, but on a note tucked in the envelope. Thank you!

You can follow along on Facebook by liking "Rodeo for Ryan." That will keep you updated with the current happenings, great items to be auctioned, and ways to pray and get involved. If you need more info or want to help in another way feel free to contact me- leenienhuis@hotmail.com.

Neither you, nor I would have chosen this path for our friends. It honestly breaks my heart to watch two people I love struggle and face something this terrifying. But I want to challenge you to not look away. God is doing something amazing right here, right now, in and through Ryan and Kendra. I'm scared to death and begging God for more faith FOR THEM and for ME every single day. It is sweet therapy when God allows me to serve them and just DO something with my hands to help.

This Rodeo, my friends, is our way to not just apply prayer and hope for Christ's healing, but to get our hands dirty and to give generously and serve well. Ryan and Kendra will be blessed and Christ will be glorified. May it be so, Jesus. Make it so.

A wonderful gift

I've been recently reading through George Bush's book, Decision Points. One of the things I noticed was when people approached him and said, "I'm praying for you". He would often reply, "that's a wonderful gift".

As you can imagine I'm getting told a lot lately that people are praying for me. I often feel embarrassed, humbled,  unworthy, and at a lack of words. As I read the words in the book, I could relate a little, and I think the President summed it up best, "what a wonderful gift". I'm so thankful and grateful for every prayer that is uttered and petitioned on my behalf. We don't take it for granted and it is a major part of why Kendra and I are holding it together.

A lot of prayer needed...

Hello friends and family and prayer supporters,

I'm writing this post tonight from my parents' house, which is where I'm going to spend the night tonight.  Why, might you ask?  Well, I haven't been feeling well all day today.  Tonight I have come down with a fever of 103.4 and I'm thinking that it might possibly be strep.  I am miserable.  But that's really not what needs dire prayer.  Please pray that Ryan will not come down with whatever it is that I have.  His immune system is very compromised this week because his blood counts bottom out when he's about 7-10 days past his week 1 treatment.  Tomorrow, Wednesday, will be 7 days.  I'm going to stay away from him until I get on antibiotics and am not infectious anymore.  My dad is going to take me to the doctor tomorrow and help take care of me and Colton (who is perfectly healthy right now).

In other news, Ryan has still been feeling GREAT during this cycle.  We're very pleased with the changes in his meds.  It has been a difference of night and day from the last time!

Awakening.

Hello everyone...this song has been the cry of my heart this week and I wanted to share it with the rest of you, in case you haven't heard it.  It is the last song on Chris Tomlin's most recent album.

In our hearts, Lord, In this nation

Awakening

Holy Spirit, we desire

Awakening

For you and you alone

Awake my soul

Awake my soul and sing

For the world you love

Your will be done

Let your will be done in me

In your presence, in your power

Awakening

For this moment, for this hour

For you and you alone

Awake my soul

Awake my soul and sing

For the world you love

Your will be done

Let your will be done in me

For you and you alone

Awake my soul

Awake my soul and sing

For the world you love

Your will be done

Let your will be done in me

Like the rising sun that shines

From the darkness comes a light

I hear your voice and this my

Awakening

Like the rising sun that shines

From the darkness comes a light

I hear your voice and this is my

Awakening

Awake my soul

Like the rising sun that shines

Awake my soul

Awake my soul and sing

From the darkness comes a light

Awake my soul

Awake my soul and sing

Like the rising sun that shines

Awake my soul

Awake my soul and sing

Only you can raise a life

Awake my soul

Awake my soul and sing

In our hearts Lord, in the nations

Awakening

Update on Ryan

Hey everybody.  Well, things are going really quite well!  We think that the anti-nausea meds have REALLY been doing what they're supposed to be doing, and overall we're quite pleased with how Ryan is doing.  He is pretty tired and woozy, but that's easily remedied by taking frequent naps, sleeping lots at night, and sitting down most of the time!  However, he did walk around outside with me and Colton today, and he has been sociable and in a good mood.  He's been eating VERY well; I'd almost venture a guess that his appetite has been the best this cycle out of the four cycles he's done so far!

We're determined to enjoy this holiday weekend.  Ryan has been definitely pushing himself to keep in the game and not allow his chemotherapy regimen to make him miss out on things that he enjoys.  In that vein, he has played catch with his brothers (yes, both of them...Jeremy is visiting from Texas!), he went horseback riding with me for a little while yesterday, and has been playing with Colton quite a bit.

I really feel like life has slowly settled into a rhythm.  It's different, it's new, and I'm not sure yet that I can say that I "like" it (is there anything to like about the cancer lifestyle?), but there is a certain amount of predictability.  We have been closely watching a few people that have had this type of cancer and have similar stories to Ryan's, and they have had excellent prognosis.  We have hope!  There is always hope in our Lord. He is BIG!

Today, I made a decision.

This decision was important for me.  I've been chewing on it all day long.

Nothing and no one is going to steal my joy.  This moment, this day, this time is precious.  And it is good, despite all circumstances.  My God, the Creator of the Universe is also the Great Physician.  I praise Him for His faithfulness and for His provision.  He is supremely sovereign, and He loves my husband far more than I ever could imagine loving him.  So I entrust this situation to Him and lay it at His feet.  May all of this be to His glory.


And now I'm going to go enjoy the grace that I've been given for this moment.  Tomorrow is taken care of.